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Experienced (22/F) looking for advice on teaching my inexperienced partner (27/M)
So for a few months I have been seeing a new partner who, although he is older than me by a few years, is far less experienced sexually.
I am seeking advice on how to teach him / guide him through most aspects of a sexual relationship. I don’t want to be hurtful or damage his self-esteem, but I really don’t know where to begin.
He is a very sweet guy, just a late bloomer so to speak. He has no idea how to please me, and seems to get embarrassed or frustrated trying, so doesn’t seem to want to try. I’ve tried vocally letting him know what I want, physically guiding his hands, etc- but he doesn’t do the things I ask (I’ll tell him go harder/faster but can hardly tell if he does or not).
He loves receiving oral sex (who doesn’t)- and I can, and often do, make him cum several times in one night. He’ll also cum when we have sex and I’m on top. Essentially, he seems to be very interested and aroused whenever I am doing all the work- but is lackluster, goes soft, or seems disinterested whenever he’s doing work (with the occasional exception of doggy style).
How can I get him interested in pleasing me? Or just putting the same amount of effort in?
How would you want someone to teach you?
(And finally, as a sort of PS question- do you think his lack of interest in pleasing me is due to his inexperience… or something else?)
Thank you for any help you can give!!
DouchebagIrony: > I’ve tried vocally letting him know what I want, physically guiding his hands, etc- but he doesn’t do the things I ask
There is a difference between inexperienced and inconsiderate, sounds like he is both. If he cant take even basic instruction from his partner, whether he be experienced or not, means he might not be a great person to be in a sexual relationship with.
I think men are either the attentive type or they (we) arent.
Sodium100mg: Go to the drug store and pick up a cheap vibrating cock ring, over by the condoms. Its small and none threatening, but would introduce something new and help keep him up.
ScorpioLoverboy: I don’t think it has to do with his inexperience at all. I was a late bloomer myself and made it a point to educate myself on pleasing women as much as I could, reading sex forums like this one, watching videos, and of course communicating with my partner about her wants, needs, boundaries, etc.
My number one goal in sex is to please my partner. That’s what gets me going. I’d rather eat a girl out than get head. Spend at least a half hour on foreplay alone, etc.
My inexperience came from not having many opportunities to have sex with someone I found attractive. Not because I had any hangups regarding sex. It just didn’t happen for me for a long time.
Your situation seems like it has more to do with him as a person than it does anything else. You’ve already been pretty clear with him. If he has not shown any willingness to change or improve, maybe you should move on.
jaguhs: FWIW I think his lack of interest in pleasing you is due to his inexperience – i would imagine that it’s frustrating for an older, less experienced partner to not know how to please his partner.
Speaking from personal experience (I was the inexperienced one, although my partner was older) I would say that learning something so intimate is more of a matter of showing than saying. Telling him what you want is a very straightforward way to have him do what you want, but it is also very easy to hurt his self esteem, given that he is in a more vulnerable position in the relationship (IMO).
What I have found works for me besides physically guiding my hands is showing pleasure at what is done right and then being complimented after (positive reinforcement of sorts) and then doing the same thing but slowly adding simple actions to build it up. Not sure if this is helpful, but I used to have a habit of biting (whether it’s the tongue or something more intimate), vocal instructions did nothing to help and in fact was much more frustrating, physical actions on the other hand was much helpful