Met up with a guy from tinder, had sex, now I’m smitten. Ugh
Met this guy off tinder for drinks. He ended up exceeding my expectations tenfold. He was so ridiculously cute and charming in person. Not in the sweet talking way though. Super intelligent, interesting, kind of shy but witty too. I suggested we head back to his place after and he seemed a bit reluctant about it – said he likes to take things slow. I figured he just wasn’t vibing me the way I was him. So we went to a different spot and had a few more drinks and he decided we could go to his place after all.
Things led to sex and it felt so natural and intimate even though we had just met each other. Slow, hand holding, lots of eye contact, super passionate. Afterwords we snuggled and chatted until we fell asleep. Woke up to him pulling me closer and playing with my hair and caressing me really softly. He made me coffee and we snuggled some more and when I went to call a taxi he insisted he drive me home instead.
I’m just so conflicted about these emotions right now – it was the kind of sex you have with a long term partner. I’ve had a fair amount of hookups in the past year of being single and never caught any feels, but here I am all day not being able to stop thinking about last night after only a few hours of knowing this person. Its a weird/scary feeling – I don’t think I’ve connected this well right off the bat with anyone in my entire life.
Edit: I didn’t expect things to blow up like this! I haven’t heard back from the text I sent yet but that’s okay, it was pretty late when I sent it and it’s still kinda early here. He seems like the type of guy who will respond whether it’s good news or bad news. I’ll let y’all know!
neverletmeknow: Hopefully he feels the same. Don’t play games, just tell him what you’re thinking without being too intense. Just say you had a really great connection and what to see him again. Lots and lots of people start relationships with sex on the first date. Good luck.
redbinn: Same thing happened to me. I texted him after he left. Went on a couple more dates and he asked me to make it official after a week and a half. We’ve been dating for 8 months.
utahraptorsandtigers: I know it’s a cliche, but you can’t help where or when you meet someone. Sure it started as a hookup, but who cares. From the way you described it, he was feeling you too! Go for it!
minimaltorrie: I married a guy from a similar situation to yours. Except things were much more stacked against us: I had recently left an abusive lengthy relationship, we lived in two different states (I was on business in California and a coworker hooked me up with someone who would literally “just show up to my hotel room and then leave shortly after”). We connected so incredibly well, talked for hours that night. Then every night that week. We flew to visit one another every few weeks. Then I sold all of my belongs, quit my job, packed my puppy and kitty up, and moved to the Golden State. We both said “not looking for a relationship” when we initially exchanged texts and now we are married and expecting our first child. I would say we are the exception, not the rule, but it absolutely happens.
Cheers and good luck! My advice would be to try to and get a feel for where he’s at before you start letting your mind wonder.
Edit: Anyone want to see some of our wedding pictures? They still make me swoon.
Muir Woods National Park:
San Francisco City Hall:
End of our favorite day:
star_angela: Hey OP.
I don’t have any advice for u.
But I wanna tell u how much I enjoyed reading your post. It was like u made me feel in bits and pieces all that u have been feeling with this guy. Makes me envy u in a way that ur getting to experience this high. I pray to God that hofefully this guy feels the same!
OP please give us an update after few weeks!!!
seventeenththrowaway: Cute story. I don’t know why you’d be “conflicted”. Just keep in touch with him and meet up again? I don’t see the problem here.
I’m curious about this part:
>I suggested we head back to his place after and he seemed a bit reluctant about it – said he likes to take things slow.
What exactly did he say? I sometimes want to say that to girls but don’t know how without coming off awkward or unconfident :/
TheHornerGene: If he insisted on driving you, he at least feels a little.
bagthree: I met a guy from Tinder LAST December. December 7th to be exact. We hit it off immediately. Felt like I’d known him forever. We had drinks, got some shitty fast food and went back to my apartment where we had awesome sex and slept tangled up together all night.
A year later, I’m currently sitting across from him on the couch, wearing his Darth Vader pajama pants and watching him crack up at Arrested Development. I think he’s adorable. We moved very fast but it’s worked so far.
I don’t really have advice. Just saying take a chance and good luck!
jamalstevens: Fun story. I met my fiancee on tinder. Went out and had a great time she stayed the night. And the next. And the next. Fell in love with her real hard and we’ll be getting married this fall!
Just because it’s tinder doesn’t meant it can’t be real. Good luck!
what_kind: I thought I’d just let you know that I met a guy on Tinder and had sex on the first date. Now it’s two years later, we’re living together, and we have the most wonderful relationship. It happens!
Scotchpie83: I was the same. I was introduced to a girl from a friend when we were in a bar. She asked me back to her place but I refused because I promised to meet a friend very early in the morning with football tickets. I did however call her the next morning, made arrangements to meet up with her again in the week. She thought it was great that I was loyal to my friends when I don’t go back to her place initially. Fast forward eight years, we are married with two kids.
Don’t hang around when you know it’s right!
ninjaobvious: When I met my husband we went on one date and had a similar experience. Minus the piano playing. I wish! I couldn’t shake the connection and I kept trying to convince myself that it was too good to be true. The connection that we had. I had all of these reasons why it couldn’t work out and funny thing happened. We feel in love and got married. It’s been 8 years. I still feel that intense passionate connection to him. Don’t fight the feeling and let things happen organically. You’ll figure it out.
frawg73: This is a problem? Why the “ugh” in the post title? Sounds like you hit the jackpot. Say a little prayer of thanks to whichever god you worship and then enjoy the bliss. Not many people are as lucky as you are.
col998: Guys who aren’t looking to date don’t say “I think we should take things slowly” before having sex, they say it after – I think you can reel him in pretty easily. Good luck!
crayonscooby: Those intense natural connections are pretty rare! Seems like you’re just nervous because you don’t want to blow it. It’s totally fine to feel giddy and romantic!
For better or worse, I think most people don’t end up together with their “soulmate connection”. I was talking to some much-older married friends, and a lot of them are married for decades with almost grown-up kids; while they love their husbands/wives more due to shared lives and sacrifices, they do occasionally think about that “one that got away”. It’s not necessarily a sad or bad thing IMO, you can love differently people differently, and just because you don’t have that instantaneous connection doesn’t mean a different relationship is inherently worse.
lol I had the opposite experience. Spent practically months of getting to know someone intimately well, but when we finally had sex there was zero connection for either of us.
Mikeytruant850: No different than meeting someone outside of dating apps. You met someone you clicked with – pursue it.
tiralejos90: Text him! Said you had a great time and hope to see him again soon or some, start a conversation, even better call him to say these things, don’t let this opportunity go by!
ABC_AlwaysBeCovert: Just so you know, lots of people envy your current position regardless of the outcome
Yrupunishingme: I’m so excited for you! This guy sounds swoonworthy. I hope he’s on the same page as you. Please update us
BrownishCrayonish: Met my girlfriend from Bumble. Thought at first we would just be a whatever thing. She was cute as hell and fun but I assumed we would just be another couple of nights thing. She is now sitting here with me a year later watching a shitty horror movie. Good thing happen sometimes.
iheartchemtrails: Another vicarious onlooker wanting you to make a chilled text to see if the wheels are turning at his end.
imp_of_santa: > I’m just so conflicted about these emotions right now
On the one hand, you connected emotionally with a guy, you found him physically attractive, and you had great sex. On the other hand, you connected emotionally him, you found him physically attractive, and you had great sex.
I’m not seeing a conflict here.
Pelennor: Seriously, the message you send needs to be clear, simple, and not weird.
Something like: “I had a really great time last night, and I’d really like to see you again. You mentioned [insert mutual interest here], would you like to go do [thing relating to interest] on [set date]?”
Simple, not creepy, and very easily understood.
heyimlame: Been there… be prepared for him to not want a relationship. Not trying to destroy your glorious high, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up and have you heart broken like what I just went through. I hope he likes you back, though!
not4sho: Tinder can be a crazy place. Me and my wife met there a year and a half ago. Neither of us looking for relationships. We went on one date and set up another fir 2 days after, met up the next day and saw each other almost every day for a month and a half. We were engaged in 7 months from meeting and married after 15 months. We are now moving into an off grid house together.
From some of the people here it seems like you find the right person when not looking for them. You seem to be less concerned about all the little things and things seem to happen in a smoother and more natural flow.
Hope your second date goes well if he accepts and see where it takes you.
Keep us updated on this.
livingtribunal99: I really enjoyed reading your post. It makes me happy to hear these kinds of stories.
Les_Kitten: That fairy tale version of Love at forst aight honey. Call him, date, fall in love and have some more great sex.
Cloud_Riverdale: Please follow up with him, I understand not wanting to sound desperate and all… I suspect it was amazing for him as well.
I read your comment and my heart clenches, I hate seeing people have such powerful feelings and nothing to come of it.
landoh22: Mine started as a booty call/hook up. Been married to her for 9 years now. When is right, it’s right.
PM_me_your_ring_gag: I met my girlfriend on tinder, we had sex on our first date but it felt right. We’ve been together for 3 years and have bought a house together.
I hope he feels the same way you do!
Keypaw: Can you post a follow up in three years when you get married?
callmeredhead: Ok but has he responded yet? I’ve been stealth following this saga
The_black_Community: RemindMe! 500 days “Sounds extraordinary, I hope it works out! If it does can I come to the wedding?”
madeinwhales: Some v good signs there, easy does it.
DragSfrank: I met my ex on Tinder. We got together for 2 years. This happens and it’s really nice to connect with someone like this ! Hope things get serious between you too !
WildWellington: My wife and I were like that. But more kinky. Lol. It just sounds like you have found a good one! Be hopeful!
elephasmaximus: Isn’t this a good problem to have? You met someone you clicked with, you have physical chemistry with.
I’ve never understood why having human emotions after an activity which is about (literally) bringing people together is an issue.
jessewerewolf: Sounds like the first time I met my wife. We spent three days straight together that started with our first date. It was like as soon as we met, we realized that we found our other half.
sydneysomething: Dying to know what has happened!
Kinetic_Waffle: I think that playing too hard to get can often be deceptively displaying disinterest for some guys, and games can mess them around. A good piece of advice is to focus on non obligatory interest. Like, think about if a guy you know texts you, ‘by the way- I think you’re gorgeous, thanks for brightening up my day today!’ – it’s zero % creepy. But if he says he’s got a crush on you or whatever… so many ways to sort of say that you want something in return. Obligation to give something back, you see?
So be sure when you look at what you say, you’re not being like, leaving it either said or unsaid as ‘do you feel this way too?’ And relax. Enjoy him without over stressing about his feelings towards you. If you go with it confidently and happily, he will fall for you. 100%, unless he like… is a sociopath or something XD
But basically, don’t play games, don’t try and ask for anything… and keep this reddit thread as some cute thing to show him down the road <3
A bit of initiative isn’t bad, but as far as escalating/making things serious, just relax and let it go where it feels as comfortable as the sex.
clasicov: This post makes me happy:)
Obeacian: I met my husband of 1.5 yrs on Tinder… Just saying.. 😀
pixeltehcat: u/Allwoman and I met on Tinder and had that instant, intimate, “feel like we’ve known eachother forever” type first date, sort of like you guys did. We’d been texting pretty full-on in the days leading up, so it was always going to be more than your average hookup, but we were still both unprepared for how hard we fell for eachother on the day. We’ve been madly in love and banging eachother senseless for years now!
If he’s as cool as you’ve outlined here, I say be open and trust that he’s as blown away by you as you are with him and go with whatever that openness brings. It could take you somewhere truly unexpected and wonderful. Good luck!
melabethfasth: Same happend to me, i fell for my tinderdejt so fast. He was so funny, rly smart, handsome, and everything about him took me by storm and i fell for him hard. And the more i got to know him the better he got, he checked in “all of my boxes” and what i look for in a partner, he had it. And then, a big plus, he was rly good in bed from the begining (I took his V-card) and just caring, loving and amazing.
I hope for you that he feels the same cuz when you click with someone fast, its amazing
LiamW: Met my wife on different dating app and we had a very similar experience to what you’re describing. I told her I wanted to take it slow and we moved quickly anyway, we cuddled (she was not a cuddler) and I made breakfast/drove her to work the following morning.
I didn’t want to rush things because I really liked her. Many of my male friends think like that, when we meet someone special it’s worth it to slow down.
We got married in less than a year and have never been happier.
ketoatl: My wife was basically a hook up on line(dialup). I felt strong things after we had sex and asked her to marry me after knowing her maybe 5 hrs. She said yes and this October it was 18 yrs. my family gave it 5 mins, a girl I met on the internet? Lol
hunkerd0wn: Same thing happened with me, except on bumble. Now we live together, have a puppy, and I’ve never been happier!
Edit: I’m a man, so she asked me out but similar situation!
AnnaEugenia: Met my current guy on Tinder, very similar experience.
3.5 years later, things are still amazing. Go for it, it’s worth it.
ezagreb: These kinds of posts make me laugh. Caught feelings…. You have participated in the most intimate physical act possible between a man and a woman – one that traditionally follows a formal courtship/relationship and you (or anyone else) is surprised when you “Catch” feelings. If you walk frequently on the edge of a cliff, don’t be surprised if you fall off.
skitzothebear: I had the same exact experience this past July! Met a wonderful guy on tinder when I was just trying to get a date for the fourth cause my friend had gotten a tinder date (haha I wasn’t even actually looking for a real date) and he and I hit it off. Ever since then, we’ve been together and now I live with him! I hope everything goes well for you!!
Unexpected_Artist: I understand the want to play it coy.
However, one of the better texts I got was leaving after a 1st date, and she texted “Is it wrong that I wish that kiss never had to end?”
That enthusiasm fueled my own. Excitement begets excitement.
It seems clear he’s not into a pure superficial hookup, right?
Be bold. It may pay dividends.
intergrade: This is how my current bf and I met. He’s very snuggly. 100% approve of this modus operandi.
My brother met his wife this way too.
rose-merry: My boyfriend and I met on tinder too! Met this June, hooked up strictly as friends with benefits. But I think we both realized that first time, it was a bit more than just a fwb. It felt normal, comfortable…it felt good. I slept over that night and we cuddled and fucked all night.
Then I left the city for the summer, We talked on and off, but very sexual based. Met him again (for the second time!) in October, and now we’re dating!
I’m a lucky gal. I didn’t think much of this, but it happened 🙂 if it’s someone you thought was special, roll with it and spend more time together! Chances are, he felt it too. Good luck!
danighost: My boyfriend and I started as a hookup, and I ended up staying over his place for three days the first time we met LOL. We both pretty much fell hard and fast in love even before we met but the physical chemistry was fantastic so pretty much everything was perfect. We both were recently single and were not looking for a relationship (I actually was in a miserable open relationship) but we are actually dating now haha.
My boyfriend admitted he fell for me almost immediately, and so did I but neither of us told the other until then because we were worried the other one didn’t feel the same. I hope all goes well for you because the situation could be very similar!
raywilliam639: Would you ever offer to go back to your place?
Mr_Flaccid: Sounds like the premise to a horror movie.
But I hope it ends well for the both of you! Who knows?! It’s a crazy world these days. Be careful.
colonel_bob: Well, congrats! In my opinion, this kind of unexpected attraction is one of the best starts to an actual relationship, so I have to admit I’m a little jealous reading your story.
I don’t have any feedback besides to not take it for granted, and it sounds like you’ve already followed though on the good advice I’ve read posted in this thread, so I just hope things work out well!
TryingToStayLow16: At first I thought you meant you had gotten an STI. I was happily surprised.
Onthegokindadude: Definitely let him know you had a great time with him, OP. But don’t come on too strong as in “When can I see you again”
Just tell you you had a great time and you’re looking forward to seeing him again. See where it goes from there.
Happy for you 🙂
confusedpanda123: I met my boyfriend on tinder… both of us going through some terrible times… should of been rebound sex, we have been together for 2yrs now. 🙂
I_have_no_F-ing_clue: What happened? Did you clarify that you wanted to see him again? Your first message was a good start, but kind of vague. Good luck! We’re all excited for you.
xLCO: Contact him and let him know how you feel.
But remember ANYONE will want to pull away from too much attention, just varying amounts.
Now don’t take that the wrong way either, some people can be perfectly happy being clingy and all that, I’m just saying there is always a point where it is too much, just depends on the people.
kwadd: Generally, posts on Reddit that start with ‘I met this guy/gal on Tinder…’ go downhill from there. This is interesting and sort of woke up my inner romantic. Good luck! I really hope it works out for you guys.
rbstewart7263: Fyi: never jump the gun and think a guys not into you some of us are just not capable of jumping a girls bones after a few hours of talking. I can sometimes but sometimes i cant and it sucks when someone ghosts on you because of that.
EDP528: Just take it easy and don’t play hard to get bc that’s super annoying.
LunaticRonin: That’s so sweet
bella_sm: So happy for you
a_stack_of_papers: He feels the same way.
bactchan: OP, just to let you know that my wife and I have been together almost 12 years, about to celebrate our 7th anniversary and we were a sex-on-the-first-date case. Sometimes you get lucky literally as well as figuratively. Good luck and congratulations.
Joemama198: I met my girlfriend on tinder. Best girl I’ve ever had, we habe Ben dating for a year and 3 months, and live together. I couldn’t be happier.
Definitely wasn’t looking for a relationship when I was on tinder but I wasn’t going to deny the best one I’ve ever had
PandaK00sh: You’ve had tons of replies so I’m not expecting you to really see this, but I’d like to add my two cents.
I agree with many folks here in that I’m happy that you enjoyed a beautiful and loving experience with connection. I’d recommend you communicate with him exactly how you normally would with someone that you love, if for no other reason than to serve as a litmus test of sorts. Never be ashamed or worried of expressing your true and honest self, aka don’t feel the need to change who you are and how you communicate with people with the hopes of attracting someone.
Don’t worry yourself with “how long should I wait to reach out to him?” “How should I phrase my responses to him?” Etc. If someone doesn’t respond positively, oh well, their loss! If you’re already able to communicate with with him, awesome! That speaks volumes!
And one last thing that’s usually ignored, in my experiences: try to reflect on the subtle but important differences between love and infatuation. Don’t be concerned with giving yourself time and calm patience to reflect on this unique and powerful moment of connection. Remind yourself that, regardless of this connection, you’re the most important part of this equitation. Consider how this new, wonderful person fits into your story and life in a loving and healthy way.
What I mean is, it’s easy to want to charge head first into something like this. A comfortable and powerful relationship with someone that makes you feel this way. Remember that you’re awesome and beautiful, you deserve so much. Don’t ever sacrifice any parts of who you are or who you’re working to become in the pursuit of validation or attention. You’re a badass and you the world without negative compromise!
… Or, you know, I’m projecting onto you and have no fucking idea what I’m talking about. Either way, I hope you find love and excitement and happiness. Keep being the beautiful badass you are! :oD
Sizzleen: I don’t see the problem here. I’ve met lots of cool guys on tinder- and some were just for hookups (which is what i was going for) and we still talk to this day. Don’t overthink it. You’re smitten bc you had a great time and you like him. Remember no one is perfect and he has downsides as well- you just don’t know what they are yet