Patricia Helen Heaton is an American actress and producer. She is best known for portraying Debra Barone on the CBS sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond from 1996 to 2005, for which she won two Emmy Awards.
What are some of your sexual limits? I had a very vanilla sex life before this relationship and I’m inexperienced. We both want to spice things up and he wants to test my limits, but I’m not sure what those are!
(Not sure if some of this falls in the bdsm category?)
We do spanking and hairpulling, light choking, we did handcuffs once, and we’ve used toys once in almost 2 years.
He wants to tie me to the bed, but also tie me up into a position, and I basically want to be blindfolded and have him do what he wants.
But due to my previously boring sex life and very few sexual partners/relationships, I have no idea what my limits are or what I do and don’t like, etc.
It would be helpful for me to see a “list” where I can say “I’ll try that” or “I would never try that”. What are some of your limits, or where can I become more educated about this topic?
scoobydo0305: There are apps and websites that basically give you a list and you decide if you’d like it or not and your partner does the same and it compares you. Spicer is one, mojoupgrade is another. It’s helped me!
jonofrono: My limit is I don’t do poop. Anything else is up for discussion.
A good system is green/yellow/red light. Have him tie you up and start slowly and gently trying different things. If you say green light he knows it’s safe to continue. Yellow means don’t stop but slow down or be more gentle, and red means stop.
The only basics I’d think should be covered are what holes can he use. Can he go from anal to vagina? Can he go from anal to mouth? Can he go from vagina to mouth? Can he use a toy and his member at the same time?
Hope that helps a bit or at least gets you tho king of what to ask for.
onekate: When it comes to tying you up and BDSM, read a book about kinks and BDSM and watch some educational videos together. You can get hurt doing something that seems super fun, and then that can be really scary and traumatic. There are safe knots you and he can learn that you can untie if needed and don’t self tighten when yanked. There are safe spots to spank and hit and spots that should be avoided. There are ways to choke that are safe and ways that are dangerous. Dive in and learn more. Also decide on a safe word that when he hears it he 100% no matter what will stop doing what he’s doing and check in.
Notanalt4859384: to answer the question: bringing in a third party
similar situation over here. i love the sex we have but i kinda want to widen it. ive told him im up for literally anything which remains just us. hes either got nothing or hes scared to tell me.
Kit4000: Hard limits: faceslapping, anything that could draw blood or scar, scat, watersports, bruises in a soot I cant hide with clothes, humiliation.
r/bdsmfaq (informational only not interactive)
YearlyHipHop: Hard no’s from me include poop and other people. Harder to explain limits on bdsm stuff but they exist as well, I’m like two steps down that road.
Someone else suggested it but there are websites where you can both separately take a quiz about things your into/willing to try and then it only shows what you matched on.
GulliblePlankton: Make sure you set clear boundries for yourself and between the two of you. It might sound stupid, but agree on a safety word. Try to ask yourself “what is something I woudln’t ask myself?”
For example, I know that anal is out of the question. I don’t want anything near my butt. Most girls aren’t fond of anal too.
Never be afraid to ask something you don’t know about or are unsecure of. Sex should be enjoyable for all people involved, even when you’re submitting yourself to him.
zeebopbiddlywop: My limits are pee/poo, extreme pain/pain that leaves visible marks, guy on guy.