Wife desires dirty talk (She likes it filthy too). But years of sexual repression leave me feeling awkward, despite really wanting this too.
Allow me to start this by saying that coming into the relationship I’m in my wife, I was a virgin, and have limited experience beyond fingering and groping. I’ve been with my wife now for over a decade and a half. We’ve been married for almost 9 years now.
She was a very experienced young woman when we met who knew what she liked. As such she taught me a lot. But I came from a pretty sexually repressed household growing up. Sex was just something that wasn’t brought up. That said, as sad as it is, at this point I’m just NOW starting to fully open up sexually. I mean, we’ve been doing all kinds of fun and raunchy things for years. But as she puts it “She awakened the sexual beast within me.” As of recent. And she’s right.
We’re super open with one another, she kind of really always was, but me not as much until recently. Well long story short, a discussion last week lead to her saying she really wished I’d talk dirty to her. I have absolutely NO problem doing this, in fact it’s exciting. But…I struggled HEAVILY to do it.
I don’t even understand why. I’ve fucked this woman in the ass, fisted her, came all over her, had her damn near drown me in a geyser as she has intense squirting orgasms from oral sometimes. She swallows my cum, is up for almost anything other than facials and piss/shit/puke play. But yet…I’m struggling to talk dirty to her.
It feels super awkward and cringey, even though I KNOW it’s not going to be. I know she really wants it and it’ll make her soaking wet. She flat out told me there’s almost nothing I could say to her that would insult her. She does not care.
But due to that previously mentioned sexual repression and general awkwardness, I freeze up when trying to start. This happened the other night after it was first brought up. We still had excellent sex, but I felt like a jackass in the end because I couldn’t make myself do the dirty talk.
So I guess I’ve come here to vent a bit, but also look for some pointers. Has anyone else here dealt with anything similar to this? I really want to incorporate this into our sex life, and it’s clear she really wants it. So I gotta find a way over this hurdle. Help?
Whizbang2300: You don’t have to use any expletives right away. Start down the domination route.
I’m going to make you mine
Say it’s mine, all mine, mine alone
Say my name, again, again…
Whose is it?
Cum for me
Make her feel that you are the one in charge.
When moving on to derogatory terms, ALWAYS add possession.. She is not a slut, she is MY slut, MY dirty girl, MINE to do with as I please.
eversnowe: I struggle communicating in that way too. I rarely cuss and always freak people out when I do. I find it easier over text, but I’m still not the dirtiest out there. Still, if we don’t the repression wins. So think of it as like riding a bike, you won’t be perfect right off but at least you tried.
G_o_o_d_n_a_s_t_y: >It feels super awkward and cringey, even though I KNOW it’s not going to be.
You’re approaching this with the wrong expectations.
It’s definitely going to be super awkward and cringey. At first. Like any other skill, you start out sucking at it. Then, with practice, you get more comfortable and improve. You know that your wife won’t reject you for anything you say. You know she isn’t going to think less of you either. So just say something. Anything. Start the ball rolling and build up some momentum. You’ve learned so much already, you can definitely learn this too!
Sinnocence37F: Dirty lines for beginners: “good girl”, “just like that”, “whose pussy is that/whose tits are these”, “you like how I fuck you”, “scream”, “louder”, “cum for me”, “take it all in”, “tell me how you want me to fuck you” (that one always throws me off ), “that’s my girl”… if you just memorize some of those you can kinda use them any time.
temporary7311955: I think a good starting point is simply “details”.
“I am going to have sex with you.”
Is a bland and nondescriptive sentence. You don’t necessarily need to force the use of certain words that you find cringey, but you do need to be more expressive.
I believe a strong party of dirty talk is the affirmation. People like to feel sexually attractive to people they are sexually attached to. The “dirty” part comes in it being unrefined and feeling more genuine, not necessarily filthy. Telling your wife that she is a beautiful and handsome woman during sex are words of affirmation, but they don’t feel genuine because it’s a very controlled and deliberate choice of words.
NZ-Food-Girl: Oh gosh these things can be so awkward at first. Keep on doing it, it will eventually get easier. I agree with the others who said to practice saying things out loud when not having sex with her… just to get used to how you sound saying the words out loud. It becomes a little like muscle memory then… ie easier after practice as your body does it without thinking per se.
1. Write down things to say.
2. Practice saying them during sex and while masturbating.
3. Just keep forcing yourself to say things. Eventually it will get easier.
1. Writing down a list of the negative, repressing thoughts you are having.
2. Write down an argument against each repressive thought.
3. When the repressive thoughts come up, repeat the arguments you have already written to yourself.
Kronik_NinjaLo: I recently got into a near 24/7 D/s relationship and I have no experience with anything not vanilla. I was very uncomfortable doing a lot of things, taking dirty being one, and I started small then gradually worked up. Over time you’ll get more confidence to do more. Just start out with something you are more comfortable doing.
Stuart–Little: Get drunk, don’t think just say stuff, good or bad she will love it.
It is hard at first but as usually practice and practice makes it perfect.
Start with 2 works, slap her hard…
She will love to see you trying.
ajsheed91: I struggle with this with my husband. A. he works the night shift, so when I’m asleep he’s awake and vice versa. B. it makes me feel super awkward, because I personally don’t even really know what I like and don’t. Being that said, it’s hard to do it when I’m away from home at work since he’s asleep and when I’m home it hard because I can’t find the words to say. My guess is though, the more you do it, the easier it will become. Stop thinking too much about it and worrying about making yourself sound silly. (advice for myself too)
PronGuysAccount: Try describing what you’re (or she) is doing. If shes going down on you, say how good it feels, how she makes you want to cum, etc. etc.
Once you get comfortable being verbal you can step it up and get nastier.
McTash100: Take it slow dude, you’ll improve with time. Don’t need to be amazing at it.
Mannersaresexy: Lol rad username 🙂
I can relate to wanting to speak your mind, but feeling uncomfortable speaking that way out loud! Start off saying things you’re already comfortable with, that are true. I’m working on that myself!
188321: As someone who has done BDSM for a long time, I 100% agree as a Dom this is the most difficult thing to do,
for a while when I started I talked very little and would like try to do everything with force, but you have to just condition yourself… I think part of it is just saying it when no one is around (weird as fuck I know but Fuck it)
Another thing I ran into when I lived in a apartment complex with thin walls is it becomes very hard to maintain an erection when you say “Say you’re sorry, say you’re sorry” while slapping a chick on a leash in the face, and the 70 year old 5 feet above your head goes
“Shut the fuck up”