Hello. At the begining I’m gonna say that through the last few weeks I was sexually desperated, in a huge way. I’m 19 and I’ve never had a girlfriend or sex neither. I’ve been shy and anxious since I remember, it led me to a very low self confidence and lots of complexes. So, I started working and I earned some cash, then a stupid thought came to my mind and yes, I hired a hooker. I was like “I’m never gonna have a girlfriend or sex, so that’s fine”, I just needed to get this pressure out of me. I called a girl and we met for 30 minutes. It was completely awkward, and yet not the way I thought it was gonna be. She gave me a blowjob and then we had sex for like 20 minutes (I used protection of course). I was feeling good, but I think I really need that close feeling which I couldn’t get with a prostitute. I payed her and left. I was feeling satisfied and really confident for a while, and then I realized it was stupid. I wasted money, which I worked for very hard and meh, it just sucks. I’m feeling bad about having sex with a hooker. I’m hoping to forget about that and move on. Don’t know what is exactly the point of this post, I just had to get it out of me head. I’d appreciate some tips or whatever. Have a nice day.
imp_of_santa: > I was feeling good, but I think I really need that close feeling
On the upside, you’ve learned what the expression “just sex” means, and why people say it so disdainfully.
> I was feeling satisfied and really confident for a while
“Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.”
— Woody Allen
> and then I realized it was stupid. I wasted money
Think of it as _tuition_. You spent money to learn a lesson and you learned it.
Some guys love hookers — and I don’t think that’s a figurative use of the word “love”. I think that they so much need the physical touch and are so open to the experience that they are capable of a genuine emotional connection with a stranger they have paid for sex.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing to be like that, but now you know: you are not that guy.
On the other hand, you enjoyed it enough to realize how much you’ll enjoy real sex, with someone you care about. That should give you the incentive to push through your anxieties and find yourself a woman to love.
mcduk1: Just want to add, it’s extremely unlikely a sex worker wouldn’t use a condom. She also “used a condom of course”
I definitely think your feelings have been influenced by societal views on sex work. Respect that you hired somebody who was working, it was work for her, respect her in your mind and try to move on from the negative feelings.
effefoxboy: Don’t forget it. Learn from it and move on.
Asunafag: Look into the history of prostitution it’s one of if not the oldest professions in the world and almost everywhere it is legal except here places like Amsterdam being a prostitute is an honorable profession the bad feeling you’re having is because of societal views of it here.
anahemlig: Maybe try rephrasing it. You’re upset because you’re thinking about the fact that you had sex with a hooker. If you change your thoughts to “I had sex with a woman” you might go back to feeling good about it. It honors her as a person too, instead of her just being this thing that you have negative associations with. Money was involved, but would you feel as badly if she wasn’t a sex worker and you had instead spent money on a hotel room or an expensive night out with her?
XenosHg: the trick is, you are gonna regret things one way or another. you can’t have your cake and eat it, too. I missed an opportunity to try a hooker a couple times, and I also regret it. See, you cannot change your past. And your decisions are always what you need the most and what you can get with the information you know. Feeling satisfied and confident was the result of sex. Feeling like a stupid sucker is the result of being you, all that anxiety and also not enough sex. Come on, now you have more experience than many guys, and you know the feeling, and maybe a couple of poses, which is also much better than some of us have to deal during a first time with a girl. Enjoy it!
Also, your wording is vague, I can’t understand if you mean “worked hard” which is a lot, or “hardly worked” which is not a lot?
scorpious: So you 1) felt a need, 2) acted on it, 3) felt good …then 4) ruminated and beat yourself up, and now 5) you feel bad.
Which step would you say is the problem here?
ILike5-24: 20 minutes on your first go? Head mod this guy
CleverReversal: Time heals all. You spent some money, but you got knowledge and and experience in return. At the very least, the feeling of wondering what it physically all about is gone, you’re free of that. And you learned that the emotional side is more what you’re looking for in the future, which means you’re that much better equipped. You can earn some more money in time.
K0SSICK: Man you are so young, stop stressing about little things… You’ll learn as you get older there is just no point in beating yourself up mentally.
Look at it like this, you paid for an experience, and I don’t mean just sexual experience, I mean a life experience. Learn from it and move forward, but don’t dwell.
I can’t emphasize enough, you are still SO YOUNG.
GrnTiger08: No big deal. H
Nova_404: Don’t forget about it, remember it and use it as fuel everyday. When I do stuff like that, I take the mistake and run in the opposite direction. It’s fire, don’t touch it kind of thing. You’re young and not even half as smart as you could be. I’m only 22 now, but twice as smart as I was when I was your age, (sounds condescending coming from someone only 3 years older, but it’s the truth).
As long as you don’t do the things you don’t want to do again, you’ll only do what you want to do. You can’t worry about it forever, and it won’t be worth worrying about in a year. It’s a story, maybe not one you’ll tell in the next few months, but it’s still your story.
SheKilledMySoul: You seem like a nice guy, there are some hypnosis recordings that can make wonders when it comes to boosting confidence. Be more social, talked to people at the store, work etc. My wife cheated on me, I was devastated, broken, haven’t dated for 10 years, been in an abusive relationship, confused, got one myself, a gorgeous model looking 22 year old, had a nice personality too, and we had so much fun, even had drinks after. But yes, it was empty, however for us guys, one day it feels empty, the next day we are horny and want that satisfaction again, even if it’s still empty. In my case, it was some sort of a validation, confidence booster as well, that I still get some in me to move on. Don’t look at it as if you wasted money, what would you rather do with that money instead, and would still in the back of your mind think about getting a pay girl. You had a curiosity, got it off your chest, move on, don’t regret it, ever.
Some-Like-It-Hot: Think of it as a life lesson. You did it once and you felt badly afterward. Your conscience is telling you something: This is not how you want to have a physical relationship with a woman.
It’s not your thing, so don’t do it again. Live and learn. Move on.
Work on finding a real girlfriend.
BigDRustyShackleford: Look at it this way. If you had a gf ahe would have most likely spent that money for you. So on the bright side it was just a one time thing. Was she how at least
bluebuilt: how much money did she charge?
i ask because it’s a service industry, you get what you paid for.
nawish: Guys, thank you for everything. I knew I could cound on reddit community, you’re great and understanding people. I’m getting better about what happened last night. Thank’s to your advices, I can deal with this as a life lesson. The only thing that doesn’t give me peace is that I’m worrying about possible ills I could’ve gotten by having sex with her. I used condom, it didn’t crack or slide. Girl also seemed clean and cared – everything was under control, but I’m still worrying as hell.
blazed_golem: I was like you, young and without experience.
I got an extra amount of money, 5.000 usd.
I spent the whole in hookers in 3 months, I didn’t regret this at all.
It has been part of my formation as adult married man, and I see hookers more as masseuses that ‘sex workers’.
Cykotix: Did you learn something? About yourself? About the world? If *yes*, then call it ‘tuition’ and move on.
Obi-StacheKenobi: Grain of salt here. Don’t feel bad, buddy. You got the dust off the dick, so feel okay about it. Don’t let it hang you up, if you want it to pass, it will. It may be in the back of your mind, but let it be a decent thought. Remember the good feelings that came from it. I think it’s a good thing that from this experience you realized a connection is important to you, and I believe that is something you should hold on to and search out. Don’t fear, it all comes with time, to everybody. Life is a fuckup casserole sprinkled with love and happiness. Don’t let the dumb shit keep you down. It’s going to get so much better. Smile, high five, drink a beer, and have fun
Asunafag: It is man hey look not everyone has the genetics to be Thor and with how society views outward appearance as the end all be all not all guys really have the chance to find a gf to have sex with (not saying you’re ugly) I’m just making a point other then special cases people are made (mentally, physically and chemically) to have desire and need sex for health of all three of these you should not feel bad at least you got to have the experience hopefully it was a good one regardless of how it happened buck up dude and gratz
imnot1234: Get tested
freemason138: You are feeling terrible because you lost your virginity to a prostitute. Prostitutes sell their pussy for money period. some people say fine to loose their virginity like your way, but sometimes it ruins your life completely, because you paid for sex for first time. I never paid for sex, and I still cannot believe some people do that.