My friend (18 f) wants to have sex with me (23 m) but I am a virgin and I’m embarrassed because I lied about it – how should I approach this?
So I met this girl earlier this year when a buddy of mine were bored and went for a horse ride at this place.
I kept going there and hanging out with some of the people who ride there and one of the instructors (the girl in question).
We got along really well and over time she started sending me loads of messages, wanting to go out alone and spend more time together.
Then last week she said she wanted to f%%% me in a WhatsApp conversation we were having.
I was quite nervous because I have never had a gf before.
So I asked my gym buddy about it and he advised that women don’t like to sleep with guys who are virgins. He suggested that I tell her that I had slept with 5 other girls if she asked about my previous relationships.
So I did that and she didn’t seem to really care about it. But I feel bad because I lied and I am worried that she will notice my actual inexperience.
How should I handle this?
I told her and she was totally cool with it. Her parents are going on a trip and she invited me to stay over this weekend.
So thanks for everyone’s advice. Really glad I posted to the sub 🙂
MickeyZara: >Just tell her you’re a virgin. Why would one lie about this?
Bwcause there’s a stigma. People treat mid-20s virgin males differently, and putting up with that shit isn’t fun.
Source: successfully defended my virginity until my mid-20s.
airaqua: > So I asked my gym buddy about it and he advised that women don’t like to sleep with guys who are virgins
Some women don’t like doing so, many others don’t mind at all.
> But I feel bad because I lied and I am worried that she will notice my actual inexperience.
If you feel bad, you can still be honest with her. Or at least say that you haven’t had any actions in ages if she asks you about it.
The_Cheeky_Pirate: Your only a virgin till the first time, she could be really into the idea of being your first, I’d just be honest and say you lied because you were nervous and apologize. See where it gets you, she may even like you more for being honest.
justpu: I would say, don’t sweat it.
It does not make a hughe difference if you had sex 5 times or none. Try not to make a big deal out of “Virgin-status”.
What is way more important than being a virgin or not is that you pay attention to your partner, are into her, try your best, communicate and have fun. Be good, game and giving.
If you feel nervous about being inexperienced, just tell her that. It does not matter if you are actually a virgin or are nervous and inexperienced for other reasons. My first tries were more relaxed and sexy than some other times i had with very experienced partners and being experienced myself.
It is more about getting in tune with your partner than actual experiences in counts of sex. Of course experience will help a tad but less than you think. Every new partner is basicly a new first-time because every person is different.
That’s why she didn’t care about whether you had so many girls before: it does not really tell her anything about you and your sex-skills. you could have had sex with hundreds of people and still be terrible at sex with her (because she may like different things and you missed to pay attention being soo experienced).
Sex is not like a car: once you’ve driven one, you know how to drive.
Sex is more like friends: everyone is different and needs different things from the friendship. You don’t become good “at being a friend” because you already had 4 friends.
Tell her: “Hey, i feel a little nervous because i really like you, don’t want to mess this up and i don’t have a lot of experience. It would be cool if we look out for each other a lot, so we get into the same tune very much.” Tell her what you are nervous about. What you would like it to be like and also care for what she would like. She might be as nervous as you. Help each other out.
p4ku: Just tell her you’re a virgin. Why would one lie about this ?
Ok listen it’s simple bitches don’t like to have sex with virgins, girls either love it or they don’t care. I don’t know this girl of yours but since it’s your first time a little advice.
Tell her something on the line like :”Hey remember when I told you I slepped with 5 girls before ? Well that was a lie. I’m still a virgin you know I was just nervous that you wouldn’t want to be with me if you knew that. I’m an idiot for thinking something like that.” (Always apolegise when you lie to girls they love that shit)
If she still wants to have sex with you after you write her then that’s great. You probably have an awesome girl who you like and your first time will be nice and enjoyable.
If she doesn’t want to have sex after the message then just fucking forget about that hoe. You wouldn’t want to have sex with her either way because your first time shouldn’t be with some bitch.
It’s fairly easy really.
I hope my advice helped you. Some of my friends were in the same situation and I told them the same and it workes out in the end :).
If you have any further questions just ask ^^
ClimberToRipped: I am not proud of this, but I also totally lied and faked my way through my first time too. Don’t think she suspected much, just used my fingers and mouth before penetration so that hopefully she wouldn’t mind if I didnt last very long.. Google some fingering and eating out tutorials! The internet is a wonderful thing
Coidzor: Remember to check out the r/sex [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index) on first time sex and to have your fingernails clean, trimmed, and not sharp.
And if you have rough callouses and such on them, bring some latex gloves or alternatives that are safe for fingering.
Reading She Comes First and watching Nina Hartley’s How to eat pussy video would be good for helping prepare. As would learning how to put on a condom properly.
Scarleteen has some good articles on [consent](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/drivers_ed_for_the_sexual_superhighway_navigating_consent), [sexual readiness](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist), [sexual communication](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/be_a_blabbermouth_the_whys_whats_and_hows_of_talking_about_sex_with_a_partner), [contraceptive options](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/birth_control_bingo), and [safer sex](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/safe_sound_sexy_a_safer_sex_howto) that would be good homework as well. May also find the [first intercourse 101](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/first_intercourse_101) of interest.
[Oh Joy Sex Toy](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/category/comic/education-comic/) is another useful resource that shares a lot of information in comic form. You can not only learn about [manual sex](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/manual-sex/) and [vaginal intercourse](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vaginal-intercourse/) but also about the [sexual response cycle](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/sexual-response-cycle/).
yydes: Don’t tell her just eat dat pussy boi
ringawera805: She’s 18, even if she’s well experienced, she still won’t know what she’s doing.
Let her know, enjoy the ride, learn like a mofo and make up for it.
It sounds like the perfect first time. Enjoy!
19Mayhem69: Tell the truth and own it, that u lied and that you’re a virgin. A lot of teenage guys tend to feel the need to stretch the truth a bit, not right but it happens. Nothing wrong with being a virgin.
Podzilla07: Go become un-virgined, dude
KrustyKrabReject: Fake it till you make it bro. Just go with it. You don’t have to tell her that she is your first. Just make sure to wrap it.
pngkunt: Oh geez. Stop asking your moron friend for advice. I don’t know what you should do. Maybe go shag five hookers quickly?
lolitalolitalol: As a woman, I have no issue with men who are virgins. In fact, I find it attractive insofar as it’s quite unique nowadays.
If she seems really genuinely interested in you as a person, and also wants to have sex with you, then tell her. The fact that she’s fucking *you* will be half of the overall appeal, and she may even like the idea of leaving such a lasting impression on you by taking your virginity.
If you suspect she only wants to fuck you and then not speak to you again, or has no interest in you as a person, then still tell her. She may have second thoughts about it if she only wants to fuck – or she may have a thing for inexperienced guys or being in control, who knows.
I know it must be difficult at 23, feeling like everyone your age is having tons of sex. But just remember, it’s not uncommon for guys and girls to just blatantly lie, and big themselves up.
If your friend is encouraging you to add 5 imaginary fucks onto your (currently 0) number, then there’s a good chance he’s adding 5 onto his number too.
Edit – I think you should be truthful for your own good and because you obviously feel guilty for lying. Actually lying about your virginity really isn’t a big deal in my books – but if it’s not a big deal, why bother lying!
ShitAroma: To be honest just tell her the truth and see what happens. I’m also in the same boat as you with the virginity stuff and being 23 and I also hit the gym too.
No one that I meet these days actually seems to believe me. Had a tinder girl who was super keen to meet up, then I told her and she didn’t believe me because of a list of things she said about my appearance and said it was some ploy to get her into bed easier and then she unmatched me. Ah well. :/
1977Cash: Only one way to learn!
Anotherway2liv: Your gym buddy is a jerk.
I’ve known quite a few women that had a virgin fetish in their 20s.
Have a great time and enjoy.
AboesasWaifu: I think you should tell her. My bf was a virgin and I thought it was very cute and also felt special being his first 🙂
Baileys86: So I actually had my first time when I was 16 with this guy. We were both virgins but he didn’t tell me that. I thought he had lots of experience and it put me under a lot of pressure tbh. If I had known that it’s the first time for both of us it would’ve been different. He told me one week later that he lied. And it really hurt he ruined that special thing just because he thought that it’s embarrasing to be a virgin (which is not). So just be honest and have a great time there is nothing bad about beeing a virgin.
ready2throwaway3: Honesty is the best policy. Hold fast to that my friend.
Lejacksp70: Good luck. Have fun 🙂
MrCheeseHater: I was a virgin until 27. I had the same experience as you minus some details.
Best decision i made was the embrace it and be honest. Obviously don’t go broadcasting it but if she’s into you don’t lie about it, she’ll want you either way. I had lots of girls propose to take my V card but I held on until i decided i wanted to.
Just make sure when you tell her still be yourself and don’t worry about it.
innocentpixels: Take it from me man because I’ve lied and it ain’t worth shit. Tell the girl the truth
RandomRainbow69: Good job man the best thing u can do is just always tell the truth
imayscamu: Fake it bro. Rule number 1 is never tell a girl you’re a virgin. If you must, tell her after you’ve finished fucking her. Its not that hard to have sex. Its a natural instinct.
EatThatPusi445: And THIS is why you have sex as a teen, you’re so fucking horny you act like you’re experienced.