“Girlfriend feeling insecure about group sex with 2 of her friends. How to help her cope?”
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My girlfriend and I had group sex with 2 of her friends, now she tells me that she’s insecure about it. What are ways to help her cope?
So my burthday was a few weeks ago and I didn’t do much but sleep in with my girlfriend. I didn’t ask for her to go this far for me, all I asked was if it was ok to just stay home, order food, and have sex all day exactly how we did for her birthday. I was in the shower and she was supposed to go out and pick up the food but when she came back she brought 2 of her friends along.
It was a surprise for me and I was kind of confused because I thought that maybe she was going to leave and go out with them (which isn’t unusual, they are free to be in our hom since I’ve known them for a long time and have a lot of trust).
They just came onto me and I asked my girlfriend if she was 100% sure about what she was doing and she said yes. We went through with it but I still made sure to pay the most attention to my girlfriend obviously. After, we all washed off and cleaned up and they left.
I spent the day cuddling with her and doing what was planned basically and she didn’t tell me that she was feeing insecure up until a few days ago. She told me that I seemed to be enjoying one of the other girls a lot more than I enjoy her. I reassured her and I tried to show her that I love her and that nobody will replace her but she still seems a little affected by the whole thing. Any other things I can do to help her?
Grittyclam: This is a good example of why people shouldn’t use sexual experiences as gifts. Non-monogamy is challenging and only works when all parties are synched up on expectations.
Going forward all you can do is be supportive and reiterate your feelings for her.
U-SHOULD-POST-TO-GW: It happens. It’s the downside of extra partners in a relationship.
In my experience the most you can do (as you’ve already reassured her) is to show her in other ways how much you enjoy her sexually. Be more vocal. Tell her how fucking hot she is, how tight her pussy is, how she’s the best you’ve ever had, etc.
Don’t connect it to that, personally I wouldn’t bring it back up, I’d just work to rebuild her self esteem without reminding her of how it was dragged down in the first place.
Source: Have been where you are too damn many times.
Dionyzyzz: This is the risk you take when there are another people involved in sex. It can complicate things between you and your SO. What can you do to help her? Don’t ever do it again. You see the effect it has on her emotionally. Her intentions were good but it ended up being a bad experience for her. You’ve got to give her a ton of emotional support. Give her a lot of affection to help her feel secure again.
h0wlatthem00n: Do something special for her that’s out of the ordinary, the silver lining is you should talk to her about how shes feeling eventually. This won’t be a “cure all” but its a solid start. This is probably because of a lack of ground rules or her trust/insecurity (possible guilt) in her friends. You have to talk about what you’re each comfortable with (when focusing on someone outside of you two) and why she surprised you in this way. Maybe she wants a mmf threesome, would you be cool with that? Maybe not though, and it should matter to you why. The rule though is that threesomes or more with anyone you wanna marry is probably a bad idea unless you guys are really really comfortable and confident in each other and the relationship. Communication is key to that though.
burgersnfriez: I mean, if that were to happen to me (a female), I’d be pretty insecure as well. Sometimes I personally (not sure about your gf) do things just to make my guy happy.
In this case, perhaps she simply consented to it and made it happen to make YOU happy for your birthday, but at the same time she wasn’t ENTIRELY comfortable with it. Bc I know that if my boyfriend ever went ahead with that kind of thing, it’d make me wonder “so you’re really comfortable with having other women/men in bed with you, like I’m not enough? I would’ve thought you’d be possessive of me, that you wouldn’t want anyone else BUT me” or something along those lines. Bc that’s definitely how I feel about my bf–I’m possessive over him and loyal to him in the sense that I don’t wanna be intimate with anyone else BUT him, so I’d kinda expect the same from him.
Maybe that’s what your gf is currently feeling? I’d try to have a serious one on one talk with her about it, just in case there were any serious damages (to trust, and to the relationship) done by this happening
EDIT: before anybody else says, yes there WAS consent on the gf’s part, she even initiated it, but that still doesn’t change the fact that it was sex with other people, no matter if it was emotionless and there were no feelings involved. Some people just aren’t cut out for things other than one-on-one intimacy
BigDickExpress88: My honest opinion this post is a prime example why i am squeemish against o non monogamous relationships. Im not saying they don’t work, im saying the downside has major consequences.
This is one of those examples
violet_anarchy: A talk should have happened beforehand. Lesson learned. You are doing everything you can. This is on her.
Anonymous7210: This sounds like a dream come true, besides all of the residual emotional problems that came afterwards.
If I were ever fortunate enough to experience something like this, I’d just keep insisting that she was definitely the main priority in that gathering, and eventually she’ll mostly forget about it.