Clone these tips for your next night in.
1. Pretend to be someone else. You don’t have to actually steal someone’s identity and sleep with their boyfriend like Sarah, but you can spice things up with your current partner by switching up your persona in between the sheets. Experiment with different outfits or makeup to help you get into character.
2. Talk about science to get in the mood. Talking about neoevolution and microbiology is basically dirty talk. If you really want to kick it up notch, mapping the human genome basically guarantees sex afterward.
Click on pictures to enlarge.
3. Put on an accent. Try one out the next time you slip under the covers and see how long you can go (get it?) without breaking out of it. Bonus points if you can nail multiple British accents.
4. Have someone hide in the closet but don’t tell your partner. Next time you have a friend over and your partner comes home, shove the friend in the nearest room/closet/any space that is out of sight but also close enough that it’s weird. Then get it on. It’ll be just like every other time except for the fact that someone is secretly there watching you/covering their ears.
5. Give your partner detailed instructions on what to do to you. Go on a Rachel-inspired power trip and tell your partner exactly what you want them to do in the sack. Don’t let them talk. You’ll find that being direct is a pretty effective way to get what you want. This works especially well when your sexual partner is your employee.
6. Swap secrets as foreplay. When Allison and Donnie traded horror stories about murdering their respective enemies, it basically saved their marriage. Tell your partner about the craziest thing you’ve done lately and have him or her do the same. Bonus points if you then have sex on top of a freezer with a body in it.
7. Have sex literally anywhere in your house but the bedroom. Try a shower or the kitchen counter like Sarah and Paul, or a bar bathroom like Mrs. S. I would skip the converted barn and cattle prod though.
8. Put your finger in their mouth. Just wash your hands first.
9. Get it on in your minivan. Pretend you’re a teenager again, except this time you actually know what you’re doing. If you don’t have a minivan, an SUV will work just as well. Leave the sunroof open.
10. Use sex as a bribe.
If Ms. S can do it, anyone can.