I have absurd sexual urges that I’m afraid to talk about. It makes me feel like a creep.
As a senior in high school, it seems very common to feel sexual desire and frustration from raging hormones. However, I feel as if I’ve taken these emotions to a disturbingly extreme level. I’ve never kissed a girl, been on a date, etc. My lack of experience fuels my craving for these urges, and I’ve never felt so creepy in my life.
Everyone I know pokes fun at this, especially since they think I’m socially awkward. I have girls telling me how wet I make them when they know it’ll make me uncomfortable, as if I’m the butt of a joke. I even have my guy friends ask if I’m gay, because I never want to talk about girls or be setup with one.
Lately, its sort of gotten out of hand. Last week, a girl twisted my nipples and quickly slapped my crotch, and proceeded to call me “baby.” Obviously, there was discomfort in my face, but I was really turned on by it. She’s really attractive too. However, I know she isn’t sexually driven to me in that way, because that’s her kind of humor.
Now that I come to think of it, there are many attractive girls who I’ve rejected, and it’s a matter of me being fearful of abusing that emotion of lust towards them. Because of this, I’ve been masturbating a lot more than I should have. It wasn’t like a few years ago where I would do it 5 times a day, but I’ve been behaving a lot differently.
WARNING: The following is a graphic description of my sexual tendencies.
– Every night, I hump my pillow passionately as if I was having sex, and cuddle with it after I’m done.
– I’ve subscribed to countless porn subreddits, and spend about an hour edging every night before I ejaculate.
– I also masturbate in the shower, stroking with both of my hands covered in body wash.
– I have very strange fetishes (armpit, flabs, etc.)
I don’t feel as if this is all caused by porn. I’m aware that porn is fake, and it looks really stupid to me. I actually have a lot of hobbies that I spend my leisurely time in, it’s just that I lack social skills to go out on a Friday night. The only reason why I masturbate so much and reject all these girls is because I’ve never felt as if I could love them. However, this sexual alter-ego of mine is too absurd for me to keep private. I’m scared that these habits are going to turn me into a sexual predator in the future.
Do you think this is normal for a teen? Should I feel this way?
TL;DR socially awkward with very weird sexual urges listed above, don’t know if these behaviors are potentially dangerous to my future
justahoustonpervert: everyone is wired differently and how their sexuality evolves. in time, you will figure out what is right for you and then figure it out as you gain more experience.
the problem comes in when you’re wanting a specific act that you want to do with a new lover. it’s at this point communication is key.
the others will have similar advice, but will be from a different perspective.
Mr_Spaz: All of your desires are completely normal. It is completely normal for a teenage boy to masturbate a lot. It is completely normal for a teenage boy to watch porn a lot. It is completely normal for a teenage boy to think about sex a lot. And it is also completely normal for a teenage boy to be uncomfortable talking about all of this with other people. None of what you have described suggests that you are abnormal or creepy in the slightest.
If anything, it is your friends who are being creepy. There’s a word for behaving sexually with someone when you know it makes them uncomfortable, and that word is harassment. I’m not saying that your friends deserve to get in trouble, but what I am saying is that you haven’t done anything wrong and that none of this is your fault.
Don’t be afraid of your own sexuality. There is nothing abnormal or wrong about you. You have every right to explore your own sexuality, and you have every right to do so at a pace that makes you comfortable. You are not any less of a man for feeling uncomfortable with sex and sexuality when you have no experience with either; you are human. Go at your own pace and be happy.
papretigre: It’s a bit different for everybody. For some people, porn and masturbation absolutely kills their ability to flirt and socialize. For others, they feel crazy when they don’t get off.
For me, I had to intervene in the porn & masturbation cycle and kinda get a grip on my hormonal cycle. I notice that if I can make it to day 4/5 after ejaculation, I tend to level out. I do get distracted easily by sexual thoughts, but that energy kinda gives me a boost. I feel more confident, less crazed, etc. Days 2 and 3 are hard to get through. For you, and for me back then, it probably feels like you’re always one image or video away from achieving some sort of porn nirvana, and you’re constantly in search of it. What I have found is that, although porn can be enjoyable and open up your mind to some possibilities and what not, it’s also a never-ending search – you can’t taste or smell porn. You can’t touch porn. You can only look at it. It’s sort of empty. People can be difficult to negotiate with and what not, but they give you access to a fuller form of sexuality. Self-pleasure can be great too, and can be less complicated, but personally I like being in a woman’s physical presence.
So, I would at least consider that and try it, don’t write it off completely. Believe that you can put it on hold, and just see what happens when you cycle off of it all for a week, or two. And then reward yourself. I had to experiment with it quite a bit before I really figured it out, but I was already in my early-mid twenties.
Also, the main thing to keep in mind is not to even frame it as porn vs. non-porn, or whatever. Think of it more as getting in tune with your arousal, sexuality, flirtation, hormones, etc. Think of all of that as a form of stimulus/energy that underlines your social activities. It’s similar to having any other kinds of thoughts or feelings – just because a thought glances across your brain doesn’t mean you have to act on it.
Feelings/thoughts -> choices -> actions -> habits -> feelings/thoughts
You can never blame actions on feelings/thoughts. To do so is ignoring the responsibility/burden of having to make choices.
RaiRaijinn: Okay, Time for one of my black book lessons
1. I think you have a pain or femdom fetish, which is fairly normal along some other fetishes.
2. You are a teenaged male, puberty doesn’t end for you until you are about mid 20’s
3. Lay off the porn
Bartalone: You are perfectly normal. My guess is that you will find someone you care about and trust who you feel comfortable expressing your sexual fantasies to. In turn, they will likely do the same. You will have funky armpit, flab sex and much more. Your partner will likely feel good that you trust them enough to talk about your fetishes and will possibly share theirs in return as they will now be comfortable with you. You are very very normal. Go have the sex you desire so long as it is consensual and safe.
SnowFox122: Totally normal really. I don’t think you should be afraid to hurt these girls but i’d say just wait to have sex until your with someone who cares about you, and emotional connection (for me anyway) is super important especially if you like to cuddle after. Maybe work on your social skills more. There’s nothing wrong with just going out on a date with someone to build on it. but only if you actually like the girl. Your first kiss is way more memorable then the first time you have sex just FYI.