Anxiety causing seriously low libido?
Sorry for the long post, y’all.
So I (21F) have pretty much had mild and generally ignorable anxiety throughout my entire life, but as February, it’s been nearly intolerable. I always try to keep my anxiety to myself (except during therapy, of course) because I don’t want it to affect my relationships with other people. Except that it still is because I haven’t been able to have sex with my boyfriend (29) since May, and between February and May I think we had sex twice.
I know it sucks from his perspective, so I try to give him handjobs or blowjobs at least one a week, I would say at my usual enthusiasm and skill level, but I know that it’s not enough. The thing is, I have almost no desire for sex. I’ve masturbated maybe 4 times since February and it was kind of by force because I was so worried something was wrong with me I just wanted to prove myself that I could at least still orgasm or something. But I still have no desire. Every now and then, though, I’ll think of a sex act with him or a past experience and feel a turned on, and I think that maybe I’ll try to initiate that night. Then that night comes around and I don’t want to try at all. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me, and my boyfriend is struggling to understand my perspective. Also, he’s told me verbally that he can’t take this much longer and that he needs to have sex, blowjobs and handjobs aren’t enough.
I really don’t know what to do. I asked my boyfriend what he would like me to do, and he said that he honestly doesn’t know. I suggested that if he’s feeling horny maybe we could try a little foreplay and that’ll get me going but he said he doesn’t even want to try if it’s going to feel forced. I know I need to speak to my therapist about this, but I have never been comfortable talking to people about sex, not even my closest friends.
If any of you have suggestions or experience on a low libido due to anxiety (or any mental disorder), I would really appreciate some advice here. I feel absolutely horrible, and I know 100% that this huge dry spell is taking a toll on my relationship. I really love this man, we’ve been together for 2 years and 8 months and I don’t want to wash our relationship down the toilet because of some stupid shit in my head.
savannah_panorama: Anxiety can cause depression and/or stress, both of which can decrease your libido. If you have a psychiatrist I would bring it up with them, if you don’t I would definitely recommend getting a psych anyway. They can help you find medications to ease your anxiety. Also, not all antidepressants or mood stabilizers will decrease libido, but many of the commonly prescribed ones do.
Personally, I had basically no libido (like you’re describing) until I was 22. I had anxiety and depression, and it turns out they developed into bipolar disorder at 21 (inherited). So I started lithium as a mood stabilizer and WHAM soon no anxiety no depression! And my libido now is pretty medium-high. Pm me if you want more details about my experiences.
So imo you should definitely bring your libido issues up with your therapist and psychiatrist. It may not help but it could so why not try?
Rangermatthias: You mentioned that you talked to your bf about foreplay. Is that not a normal part of your sex life? You give him blow jobs and handjobs. Does he ever return the favor? Like, just going down on you to see if he can get you to orgasm, or even to just help you relax?
You really need to talk to your therapist. Do you take any meds for anxiety?