Have a very one-sided sex life – needing advice
I’ve been with my boyfriend for several years now and as far as I can remember, our sex life has always been like this. I’ve only been with one guy before him only once, so I don’t have much experience.
My boyfriend is a very selfish lover. Not once have I ever heard him say the words, “I want to make you cum” or anything like that. He touches me or goes down on me long enough to get me wet, so maybe about a minute, and then he jams it in. Literally – sometimes I’m not wet enough and it hurts. I brought it up to him and he said he feels like he only needs to do those things long enough for him to put it in me. Not mentioning how he WANTS to do it because it makes me feel good. The second we are done having sex he gets off of me and gets dressed. There is absolutely no foreplay either. I LOVE making out and touching and all of that. There has been times during sex I’ve asked for a certain position and he has said no because it doesn’t feel the best for him.
I absolutely love giving blowjobs because I like making him happy and I just like doing it. This week alone I think I’ve gone down on him 4 times because he has been stressed at work. I’ve asked if he would start trying to pleasure me more (even if I don’t cum I’d appreciate the effort) and he bought me a toy. I asked if it was a hygiene issue and he said no. I usually shower before sex so I know it can’t be that. I’m happy with the toy but he has not used it on me. The one time I asked if we could use it during PIV he got offended and said no. I think toys should add fun to the bedroom. It’s hotter when a guy can get you off with just his hands or his mouth.
We both have very high libidos but it just seems like he only cares if he gets off. I’ve had guys (who do not care I have a boyfriend) tell me how much they want to get me off before and it seems like that is what healthy sex is supposed to be like. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about all of this many times and it seems like it won’t change. We have a decently healthy relationship besides this issue, but I think about sex every day and have to get myself off every single time and I’m just tired of it. This past year I’ve strangely been more in tune with my sexuality and just want to have healthy sex. What should I do? I feel bad ending a relationship just because of our sex life.
amalgaman: “I feel bad ending a relationship just because of our sex life.”
You’ve been with him for several years. Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life knowing that this is how it’s going to be?
chaosany_1: Next time he makes a move to get sex tell him no you don’t enjoy it he makes you feel subhuman like all you are is a sex toy and not even one he cares about If he says he’ll just get it somewhere else tell him that’s fine because you deserve better than to be used like an old sock put the ball firmly in his court
vermin062: Walk beetch.
zemuffinmuncher: Show him your Post? Is he like this about other aspects in your relationship?
He’s not going to wake up someday with a personality transplant and suddenly become attuned to your needs. If he is selfish in the bedroom, think it over and you’ll notice ways he is also selfish outside of the bedroom.
No amount of nagging will change him — he is incapable of hearing your concerns as a partner, so *all* of what you say will be interpreted by him as nagging. A person never changes unless they decide for themselves to do so. He has a GF with a high libido who allows sex to be centered around his penis with no regard for making her cum too. He’s has no reason to placate you, so it’s better to find a guy who already has a more giving nature. No pushing needed to be a decent guy!
TemporaryStrawberry: Feel very sorry for you bc I was there too. I walked away from a relationship like this a few months ago.
No foreplay. No afterplay. No oral ever (even tho I’ve finished him with blowjobs alone). Barely any touching. Never know what orgasm means. Sex is just a routine activity for him, not an experience of mutual pleasure, and I’m not really much more than a container he ejaculates into.
I don’t have very high libido and have never masturbated in my whole life. I was also not sexually experienced, and same as you, I kept convincing myself that I shouldn’t end a relationship just bc of sex.
Eventually I broke up with him for reasons not related to sex.
Now I felt bad for myself staying in such a incompatible and dysfunctional relationship for several years. Not feeling desired and loved sexually for so long had washed away my interest in my own body. My ex and I had been discussing marriage at the time, and I’m just relieved that I dodged a bullet.
Shoddy_Comment: Ouch. I’m not sure that I have a whole lot to offer than to point out how important sexual compatibility is in a relationship. It sounds like you’ve done everything right in terms of communicating and he is not interested in meeting your needs.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. It sounds like you have some tough discussions ahead.
Angela2208: I am the queen and I cum first and i cum last. If my husband didn’t give me foreplay and didn’t make me cum multiple times, I would leave.
Next time he wants some food, give him a restaurant menu to order from and go on a date with someone else! That’s a bout what he does for you.
I would terminate that relationship now.
FoxFireUnlimited: He’s a dingledongle.
Ditch him and join my harem.
We have cookies.
funkylittlemonkey: Seems selfish from him…
definitely need to talk and sort it out together!
Artich0keMe: Yikes. Been there. Leave him. Some times people just only care about themselves.
My ex was like that. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. You will have good sex one day, just not with him.
RandomnessFortheBest: I really do feel sorry for you
pepsiicat: Maybe stop talking sexually to other guys and start talking sexually to your boyfriend.