Should refusing to go down a girl be a deal breaker for a relationship?
My boyfriend is always talking about how to make me squirt but when I tell him that it involves going down on me he just doesn’t want to do it. He’s gone down on me twice for like 10 seconds since our relationship started 6 months ago.. and before we were exclusive we were basically fuck buddies since November. All my friends are saying that I should break up with him for not going down on me because he gets to have sex with me AND he gets blow jobs.
angelbabexox: Honestly, it’s a deal-breaker for me. Especially if he’s still getting head.
nwilmeri: I recently read on a similar thread this issue put as “everyone is entitled to their preferences, but some preferences have consequences.”
If he’s not comfortable doing it, you may have to accept that. If it’s a deal breaker for you, then be with someone else!
conflicted_brain: We were just talking about this in a recent thread. I think it should definitely be grounds for conversation. He should compromise to go down on you at least occasionally. It’s not like you’re asking for something ridiculous. I love giving oral! I don’t understand how guys literally refuse to do it.
OhHeyAnAlpaca: Giving oral sex shouldn’t mean he has to give it back. However, if it’s something you want and he doesn’t oblige, then what you must know is how important it is for you. You could always go satisfy that itch with someone who’s happy to give oral sex. Or work together on what keeps him back from giving any.
Personally I would break up with someone who doesn’t want to receive it, because I highly value being able to give it more than to receive it
thegawking: “Oral is standard.”
CrochetAndKittens: It’s a deal breaker for me. Sexual compatibility is extremely important to me.
alittlebirdy1: There are no hard and fast rules.
What you have to ask yourself is this – have you explained how important this is to you? Has that changed anything? Do you think there is a chance it could change with more discussion?
If you don’t think it will change, can you be sexually satisfied and happy without it? If no… that sounds like a dealbreaker.
JacobStyle: This is 100% your decision. There is no right or wrong answer here. You look at the whole relationship and ask yourself whether or not it’s worth continuing. Your friends’ opinions, our opinions, society’s opinions, really none of them matter. This one is up to you.
ElectricSwine: If you want it and he won’t give it to you… sorry, dude.
Too many guys out there are eager to please you before themselves…
natalieloo: I think that if he doesn’t want to do it, he doesn’t have to, obviously.
But if your sexual interests don’t match up because of it, then there’s no need for the relationship to continue. You’re not married; you don’t owe anything to each other.
There’s plenty of people out there who’ll go to town when they go down. Eyyyyy.
Edit: of course, if he’s willing to discuss it and be open, then that’s something you can work on together. I just mean to say that sexual incompatibility usually leads to resentment which can lead to a whole mess of other problems. If he’s not willing to make changes, then that’s a bridge you’ll have to cross. But don’t pressure him to do things he doesn’t want to do.
Coidzor: No. Some women aren’t interested in receiving cunnilingus. So they should not be obligated to break up with a guy who doesn’t want to do something to her that she doesn’t want him to do to her, nor should anyone try to make her feel such.
If it’s a deal breaker for **you** then you need to own it and be honest and end this relationship. Not because it would be a deal breaker for your friends or anyone else.
_why_do_U_ask: I would want to know if he just does not like cunnilingus or if there is some concern when he goes down on you, tell him to be brutal and honest. If it is cause he does not like cunnilingus, well then I think parting ways maybe best. If there is something else, like a hygienic issue, you two can work through that most times.
Kit4000: >All my friends are saying that I should break up with him for not going down on me because he gets to have sex with me AND he gets blow jobs.
While I might infer that you want him to do it you don’t say outright it bothers you or you are missing something that you want.
So the question is, is this something that you need in a sexual relationship to be fulfilled? If not, dont let your friends get in you head about what they prefer. If it is, speak to your boyfriend and then decide if its break up worthy.
Whatever you decide, you have to live with the choice not your friends.
MissLadyPerson: Depends on the person.
If it’s a dealbreaker for you, that’s not a bad thing. Just know that it’s not a bad thing for him to not be into it, either. It just might make you two incompatible.
UncomfortableRun: Ask yourself, how badly do you want that done? If you NEED it (don’t feel ashamed if you do) then it is a deal breaker.
Noodle_Zoodle: If him not going down on you is a problem to you and you really want/need this, it’s of course OK to not continue the relationship. However, if you’re OK going without, it’s of course fine to not make a big deal about it.
Smoking cigarettes is a deal breaker for me whereas others don’t care.
comrade_toastboy: If he expects you to go down on him but won’t do the same for you, then he’s probably a dick and you should leave because that’s not fair.
Rottified: Whether that is a deal breaker or not is up to you. For me? 100% oral gives me amazing orgasms that I have no way of producing on my own. So if he isn’t willing to do that for me then I can’t stay.
Thr0wm34w4y43v3r: It is completely up to you. If you feel that sexual compatibility is very important, you may want to dump him. If it is not a big deal, you can keep him.
For me, going down on a girl is important to me otherwise it will be difficult to put a dick in me. Oral sex makes PIV easier and more comfortable for me. Yeah, refusing to go down on a girl would be a big deal-breaker for me.
Manglechica: Deal breaker. Comes off as selfish and it’s such a turn off to not WANT to return the favor.
NotCoder: Always start with this test. We are having a threesome the guy cums in me, will you go down on me afterward?
If he says no he isn’t open minded enough for me and our relationship would fail in a few months anyways. Not the one move on.
dbenzen: Absolute deal breaker. You are much better than to tolerate that, Nicolet.
mynameisaminivan: If he’s still allowed to get head then I think yes
bsnis01: I just find it weird: “ all my friends say i should break up with him for not going down on me”
I never discuss the sex life with anyone (except maybe a therapist/doctor or a close relative if i seek some intimate help) but not ‘friends’ as in plural, to complain about something.
If you openly complain about what your bf does or does not to you, maybe you shouldn’t be with him. Clearly you are not pleased with it. Maybe that guy will also dislike finding out his bedroom intimacy is shared with many people without his knowledge.
queenofpaint: You’re misinformed, going down on you is not needed for you to squirt. Unless you’re just saying that because you want to let him think that. I’m not judging, just clearing that up if you have a misconception. 😉
It’s a personal decision that only you can make. Discussing it with your friends is, disrespectful to yourself, your man & your relationship. I believe in talking about sex openly and honestly to almost everyone, but what goes on between me and my current man is always private.
A deal breaker? Sure if it was a fwb and it was that important to you. In a relationship I would hope there would be a lot more important factors considered. A healthy, adult, mutually enjoyable relationship involves a lot things, including compromise, but it’s never about keeping score, or tit for tat, and tons of honest communication.
My suggestion is have a calm conversation with him, away from the bedroom, non confrontationally ask him to tell you about the other girls he felt comfortable going down on, what about it made him okay with it, did they enjoy it? What’s different about you & him? Perhaps he doesn’t feel like he’s good at it? Who knows, only him.
I wouldn’t throw any otherwise great relationship away over this, but only you know if it’s great.