Porn is great. It’s a solid solo activity that helps you enhance your fantasy life. Yet, many of us want to include our partners in the fun but aren’t sure how.
In theory, watching porn with your partner is an easy, cheap way to really spice things up betwixt the sheets. It may seem a little intimidating at first, but it is just a movie. Porn isn’t cheating, and it certainly isn’t a reflection of the quality of your sex life.
Actually, studies have shown that couples who watch porn have healthier sex lives. See? It’s not even us; it’s science. How do you even have that conversation with the person you’re dating? It’s a touchy subject. The last thing you want is to make your partner feel inadequate or offended.
Here is how to watch porn with your partner, because we all know making it happen is the hardest part of all.
Have a conversation before you pop on the video
You know what your partner will not love? Going into the bedroom looking to get some action, only to be met with an unexpected bondage video on RedTube. Watching porn is an acquired taste, and not everyone is trying to have a lick. So, before you go pulling any surprises on your boo, have a conversation.
You need to make sure this is something you are both down to try before you go forth and get freaky with your flicks. If you do something that freaks your partner out, they are not going to want to have sex with you at all. This is a no-win situation.
You do not have to stage some grand event for the porno chat. Ask your partner what some of his or her fantasies are and then share yours. Make the conversation about both of you, rather than just your desires. If you express that watching porn together is a way to spice things up and bring you closer, you’ll up your chances of inspiring enthusiasm.
Find something you’re both into
Are you into leather and gang bangs? That is fabulous, but maybe your partner is not into that. When you’re watching porn with someone else, you have to take their tastes into consideration.
Instead of throwing on your favorite videos and hoping for the best, browse together. Find something new. It will show your partner that you care about what he or she likes. This will make the experience less scary if he or she hasn’t watched porn with someone (or anyone) before.
Encourage your partner to choose something he or she thinks they might find hot. The exploration is part of the foreplay and it will help get you both in the mood for the main attraction (read: the sex).
Before you start anything, remember that clear boundaries need to be set up. I know it may seem silly; porn is just a video, right? Wrong.
People have very strong feelings about pornography. It can turn you on like radio, or it can shut you down faster than a startup without funding.
However unlikely, be aware that your partner may have an intense negative reaction to whatever it is you’re watching. Do not ignore signs of discomfort. Check in from time to time. Let your partner know that he or she doesn’t have to watch it if it’s making him or her feel gross.
If your partner is feeling awkward or uncomfortable (or angry), turn off the porn. It’s great that you’re spicing things up and being adventurous, but you do not want to push someone past their boundaries when this is all new.
The porn isn’t going anywhere. If you need to take a break and try again later, it’s not the end of the world. Props for giving it a go. For many people, porn takes getting used to. Patience on both your ends is required.
Remember that watching porn together is actually healthy
Despite what many a past study will tell you of the dangers of pornography, you’re not some depraved soul in need of redemption because you like smut. If porn were so incredibly bad, wouldn’t we be dumping our partners to hide in our basements and whack off all day long?
In fact, according to a study in the journal Current Sexual Health Reports, porn is not addictive at all — the research that has been done on porn is highly flawed and inconclusive. The researchers in the study actually found that men who watch porn report a higher level of satisfaction with their sex lives.
Porn is a safe and healthy way to explore your sexuality, and viewing it with your partner can bring the two of you closer together. As with all things, use porn in moderation. If your porn consumption is negatively affecting your real relationship, you should probably consider scaling back.
If you’re looking to try something new and want to include your partner in a sexy thing you enjoy while living your best life, you do you.