GF (33F) wants to learn to [orgasm], but doesn’t know how.
Hi all, I posted awhle back about my GF and her lack of interest in sex… Specifically how she really doesn’t care about her enjoyment and seemingly just wants me to finish.
We talked, therapy helped and when she was feeling better about our relationship as a whole we revisited the topic and she wants to try harder to open herself up more and up our sex game.
Problem is she really doesn’t know what to do. She never watched porn, never orgasmed and rarely masturbates (obviously not to completetion).
So ladies (or dudes) out there. Can you suggest any sources that would help guide her? I’m sure I can help her find porn if she wants to search for it, but any tutorials on how to reach orgasm (self or with partner) would be helpful. Would prefer sources here, you can give me personal tips but I don’t see myself relaying them to her… Think it would be better if this was her own personal journey of discovery.
Additionally, women who might have had orgasm trouble in the past. Is there a specific vibrator/toy that really made a difference for you? My gf has hand problems, so masturbating with her fingers is not gonna happen. She has a vivo, I think it’s called, she says that’s difficult to use as well because of her hands. I was thinking of suggesting a hitachi magic wand (or knock off version), should be easier to hold and is pretty popular, I assume for good reason.
Thanks, in advance, for all your help.
Drop_: I would suggest looking into tantric massage, mindfulness meditation, and talking to her about what types of things turn her on.
The key (imo) is to get her into a state where she is comfortable and mentally aroused, and THEN start with the more direct genital stimulation.
Toys can be helpful but I don’t think the Magic wand would be a great starting toy if she doesn’t have some experience with other vibrators. For many women even the lowest setting is too intense, but for some the highest is just ok… but it’s hard to know.
More importantly try and figure out what type of stimulation she likes, if there’s a progression she likes, etc. getting something like a wand of She doesn’t like direct clitoral stimulation may be a waste. Some women like internal/ g spot stimulation. Others like the feeling of fullness and penetration. Others really like anal stimulation. Clitoal is probably the most common, but it’s worth exploring with her.
Porn works for some women but not all. If she’s new to it, finding somethinbgr that turns her on may be hard, because unlike a guy who has developed his interests and tastes over years of use, a woman like your gf won’t know what floats her boat. Maybe she’ll like looking into that with you or alone, but I wouldn’t count on it being a key to getting her there.
Best of luck. But really, focus on how she feels mostly. Do things that she finds hot. Try to do things that make her horny. Get her in a place where she can be completely comfortable. Say things to her that she finds a turn on. Make sure she can get out of her head and relax.
In my experience, that is the number one thing that will help a woman reach orgasm.
incog8ins: It’s easy, tell her not to think about it and it will happen.