Tips For Sex On the Beach
Make sure you bring a blanket.
I had sand in places that just aren’t supposed to have sand in them. There was a sweet family of four star-gazing only a couple of yards away. The beach patrol could drive by at any second and expose me…and I mean really expose me. But I was doing it.
I mean, c’mon, they have drinks named after this shit. Really good, sweet drinks named after this shit. The opportunity presented itself and I knew I couldn’t pass it up: I was having sex on the beach.
Let me take a step back and tell you that I’ve always been a fan of logic over emotion. I have a super irritating hypersensitivity toward consequences and for the most part. I follow the rules.
I like to spice up my sex life for sure, but I usually do so without the underlying possibility of getting arrested. But not anymore. It was a gorgeous July night and I felt the cliches coming alive as waves crashed right before my boyfriend and I.
We had spent the day in the sun, drinking tequila mixed with whatever we could find and dousing ourselves in the saltiness of the Atlantic ocean. Everything was leading up to this. We snuck away from my family’s rental beach house that night to spend some alone time on the sand. We both knew what could happen.
Somehow, I got away with it. A few rushed moments later and there I was, breathing heavily, butt-ass naked on a public Jersey beach. Sex on the beach is something I believe we should all at least attempt, if possible, but not without a few very important tips.
1. For the love of God, please bring a blanket.
In this situation, a blanket is your best friend. And truly, size does matter. The bigger the better, am I right ladies? Use your blanket simultaneously as a modified form of a bed and as your protection to hide yourself in case some passer-by gets a little too curious.
2. Be aware of your surroundings.
Is there a group of people taking their annual family beach pictures in coordinating blue jeans and white shirts a few feet away? Is it still so light out that you can (try to) see dolphins on the horizon of the sea? Then maybe it isn’t the best time. The key to successfully getting busy in the sand is knowing where and when to do so. The darker and more secluded it is, the easier for you to focus on the act itself.
3. There’s a time and a place for the dramatic…this isn’t one of them.
Although you’ll want to get into the moment as much as possible, it’s best to share those noises with your partner and not the bonfire taking place right next to you. If you’re one for moans, screams and dirty talk, you might want to stick to the indoors. Besides, the sound of the waves is probably a much more enjoyable noise.
If you’re presented with and prepared for the opportunity to check this age-old cliche off your sexual bucket list, go for it. I mean, we all know sex on a waterbed just isn’t the same. So if you give it a shot, good luck and remember to always watch out for crabs! (I mean that in a more ways than one.)