Bf’s cuckold fetish tearing me apart
Throwaway account. I really love my bf, we’re both 21 and have been dating for a few months. I recently discovered that he has a cuckold fetish. This isn’t the first fetish I have been turned off from that he has. He’s also into SPH and humiliation in general. However, it was when I found out that he’s into cuckolding that I absolutely broke down. It’s been days since I found out and I still find myself crying over it because I feel as though we would’ve been so incredibly compatible had it not been for this.
Side note: I’m not hating towards people who belong to those communities, its just when it’s in my sex like that they make me feel incredibly anxious, etc.
Some background: cuckolding is extremely triggering for me. Its one fetish that I said I would break up with my partner for if I found out they absolutely needed it because I know I would never be able to fulfill it. It makes me feel super uncomfortable and sad. When I found out he was into it, it made me feel so many emotions I literally started sobbing. Especially when he told me how he fantasized about me being fucked by other guys and said some off humor jokes about the subject. I told him all of my discomfort for it, how it makes me feel used and how I feel like I would feel humiliated (which is ironic since he’s the one that wants to feel humiliated).
The worst part is he was reluctant to tell me out of fear of how I would react and here I am, days later still crying and conflicted over the fact that the guy I love wants to see me getting fucked by someone else and clean up their mess. (Like lick their creampie out of me, which also made me feel really uncomfortable).
But at the same time I feel as though its just a fetish he can’t control and I can’t judge him for it. It’s too ridiculous for me to break up with him over it especially since he says it’s not a big deal for him, more so something that would be fun to try but that even he felt conflicted because on one side he wants me all to himself but on another he wants to feel humiliated and what not. I do fulfill his much stronger fetishes but I’m fearful that they won’t be enough over time.
Anyways, does anyone have advice for me to get over this? It’s come to the point that I’m crying in the middle of my classes and just seeing him reminds me of how he wants to see me being with someone else which just hurts me so much whenever I think of it.
TLDR : boyfriend has a cuckold fetish (that he says he can live without) however I feel like he’s saying that for now. Moreover, finding out he has this fetish has torn me apart emotionally/mentally and I am having a hard time seeing him the same way.
mwise003: You need to let him no this will NEVER HAPPEN with you. Be BRUTALLY honest with him. Then he can decide whether he can live without ever fulfilling this fantasy/fetish.
I’d be real cautious how he responds, if you feel in the slightest he isn’t being honest about being able to live without, then you must be the adult and end the relationship.
I know it sucks, but better to do it now and not 2 years from now.
_trinidad_: If it’s not a big deal then it might not actually be a fetish to him. It could be a fantasy. It’s not specifically cuckolding because I don’t like the humiliation aspect but occasionally I’ve had fantasies about my girlfriend having sex with other men. And a lot of my friends have said they’ve had the same fantasies. I don’t know anything about your specific situation but if he really does feel conflicted about it then it could just be a fantasy. If you’ve got any questions about my personal experience feel free to ask. Communication about is is most important though. You need to have a dialogue about your feelings on it and why you can’t go through with it if he insists on it.
iLikeTheHighOnes: It’s okay to acknowledge sexual incompatibility and dissolve a relationship due to it.
troissandwich: If he says he can live without it then he probably means it. Some things are better left to fantasy, just because they’re hot doesn’t mean you want to carry them out in real life because of the real world consequences. If you want to satisfy him without actually doing it, you could try incorporating it into your dirty talk. If even that is too far, let him masturbate to it privately. If the knowledge that he is the kind of man who thinks that’s hot makes you view him in a different light, then I guess you’d better break it off.
SortaSassy75: first off a fetish or fantasy can be just that a fantasy, something that he can think about or look at porn about and get off without having to actually go through with it. I myself have a rape fantasy of being taken and forcibly fucked by a couple guys … but it is something I would never set up or go through with.
there are other things you can do for him that could simulate him being a cuckhold. sounds like he likes being humiliated, do that. Buy a chastity cage put it on him. buy a suction cup dildo and attach it to something, force him to watch you get off while he is in the cage. call him names, insult his cock, make him suck the dildo before and after you use it. hell if you want to get really fancy there are dildos that “ejaculate” get one of those and have him “clean” you.
point is you can simulate all the elements of a cuckhold situation without the actual act of fucking another guy.
RickTheFrog: Sorry, it sounds like this is a deal breaker.
Ref0rmed_L0ser: I understand how you feel. I’m a guy and I’m super uncomfortable with that fetish. My first instinct is to judge or look down on someone for it because it goes against my idea of what it means to be a man but honestly that is just societal conditioning. I realize that it isn’t wrong to have that gut reaction to something I find distasteful but it is wrong to act on that feeling.
He has a fetish that, as you stated, he can’t control. I understand if that makes you feel uncomfortable because it makes me feel that way too and you can’t control your feelings just like he can’t control his fetish. You have to be honest with yourself. Can you move past this and see him as the same man as he was before (because he is the same man) or is this something that forever change your perception of him?
If you can’t move on then you need to tell him that. Make sure to tell him it isn’t his fault and that it’s because of *your* hangups not his. If you can move on then tell him in no uncertain terms that it will never happen. Ever. Period. And give him an opportunity to leave. Don’t be angry if he goes.
alwayshard365: my wife and I have a lot of fun together but we are in it for the long haul and doing anything humiliating to each other will forever change the way we feel about or look at each other. Don’t do it or let him pursued you into doing something that will change the way you feel about each other. My wife is too important to me to make her do anything that would make her feel used, forced or humiliated.
shelbiwms78: I don’t want to add to your worry list but I want to point out something that actually happened to me and an ex. He fell into a habit of always saying he wasn’t good enough for me because of X or Y or Z. He said this so much that I started thinking well if he doesn’t think he’s good enough why should I think he is.. Granted I was pretty young at the time but it did play a role (very small one but a role) in our relationship falling apart. Just FYI that’s not a good thing to be told on a daily basis.
the_butt_whisperer: People have all sorts of strange fantasies/fetishes
That being said, it’s okay to feel how you do
But I’d be cautious as to drawing any conclusion one way or the other about it. Is it something he vaguely fantasizes about or is it an intense and specific fantasy? Does he have other fetishes or fantasies that you’re okay with? Etc.
MrRubbleBubble: I obviously can’t speak for your boyfriend but I have a similar fetish that I know my wife will never fulfill. It was extremely difficult to muster up the courage to tell her at first and she was initially pretty weirded out. However, through a lot of honest discussions about our limits we agreed to role play a little bit and honestly it has improved our sex life. Basically, from time to time my wife will dirty talk me like I’m someone else, or like I’m watching someone with her from the sidelines. I can’t say this will work for you guys but just entertaining the fantasy may be enough. Communication is really the key to any situation like this. Maybe you guys can meet half way, maybe not, either way be honest and don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.
RobotPigOverlord: I’m guessing he watches a lot of porn, and doing so is affecting the relationship as it is giving your bf unrealistic expectations and attitudes towards sex. Perhaps he shouldn’t watch so much porn.
davefromtheset: he hasn’t broken up with you so relax a bit.
What will he do if you can’t do it down the line?
pm_sexy_undies_shots: There is nothing wrong with hating a fetish. If its not for you, then that’s ok, but for you to be having an extreme emotional breakdown over this means you have some issues. Are you in therapy? You need to be. There is something deeper going on with you. This isnt something you can ‘just get over’. You need to figure out why(if you dont already know) and work on liveing your life without this fear.