Yesterday, my esteemed colleague Red Velvet put together an excellent list of the hottest things girls do during sex in hopes of encouraging more women to do these things we like so much during sex. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out right now: Top 7 Hottest Things a Girl Does During Sex.
But RV’s article reminded me that while there are a lot of great things a girl can do during sex, there are also some really annoying things that need to stop.
So listen up ladies! These are THE TOP 10 MOST ANNOYING THINGS GIRLS DO DURING SEX.
10. Lollipop head
Look, I understand that putting a penis in your mouth might not be the most appealing thing, but there are some girls that willfully go down on men only to lick the tip and the shaft. If you’re going down, actually do some sucking, otherwise it’s just annoying. Or skip your portion of giving oral sex altogether.
9. Excuse yourself
It’s really annoying when you’re in the thick of things when suddenly the sex stops because your girls is all like, “Oh, did I remember to take out the garbage?” Then proceeds to check on whatever’s on her mind. This is most likely a sign that we’re doing an unsatisfactory job at pleasuring you sexually if your mind is wandering like that, but we’re trying our best so please just humor us!
If leaving to check on something is discouraging, realizing that your lady has fallen asleep is even worse. Because not only does it send the message that we’ve completed failed at pleasuring you sexually, it also means that we’ll be finishing ourselves off alone. At least when you stop having sex to take out the garbage, there’s a chance the sex will resume.
7. Yanking on the penis
Sometimes when ladies try to mix things up with a little manual manipulation during sex and it’s cool. More often than not, we like it! But sometimes you can be a bit too aggressive and it feels like you’re going to rip the whole thing off. Stroke. Don’t yank. Yanking is super annoying.
6. SKIPPING FOREPLAY!
Yeah that’s right ladies, skipping foreplay is a real pet peeve of ours. We love it when you instigate the sex, but that doesn’t mean you’re free to hop on and ride us to death. Take some time to arouse us. Just because we’re men and we’ve tried to fuck everything that moves from the time we hit puberty doesn’t mean we don’t like to be seduced.
5. Keeping your thoughts to yourself
You know what the secret to amazing sex is? COMMUNICATION. Now, I understand if you’re gagged, it might be hard to share your criticisms, thoughts, requests and so on, but if you’re not gagged why not tell us how we’re doing? Give us suggestions. Give us guidance. And before you know it, you won’t have to fake it anymore.
4. Lack of position savvy
Most men watch a lot of porn. Porn features a multitude of sex positions. When we see certain sex positions, we can’t help but think to ourselves, “Wow! I got to try that next time!” A small number of women have no clue how to move around in bed, making it very clumsy and awkward to try any new and erotic positions. And frankly, it’s annoying.
So please, if you consider yourself a woman that lacks sex position savvy, please watch more porn. Or if you prefer you can brush up on your sex positions here: The Sex.com Blog’s Sex Position Companion.
3. Stopping after an orgasm
If by some miracle, you have an orgasm before your man…don’t stop! Keep going! You know who stops having sex right after they orgasm? A man does. Are you not a woman? Are you not better than a man? Then carry on even though you just came! It adds to the thrill of sex for men when their women ask (loudly, and with fervour) to keep on going. Plus, carrying on might lead you to the promised land of multiple orgasms. Wouldn’t that be fun?
2. Waiting for us to make the first move
Ladies, it’s 2014. If you want to have sex, then don’t just wait around for it. Be assertive! Get yours! Take it for yourself! Why wait for a man to initiate sex? “Because it’s our jobs?” Fuck that. It’s annoying that we are expected to make the majority of sex-initiating moves. Feel free to demonstrate that you’re a powerful woman by initiating sex yourself. We won’t mind, I promise.
1. Saying no to a threesome
Why not? We love you and our other girlfriend. Plus, we think the two of you would really get along. Why must you always turn us down when we ask for you to let us fuck you and another girl at the same time? What part of Male/Female/Female threesome doesn’t sound amazing to you? It’s really annoying how you reject our suggestions for threesomes.
As per usual, I have made sex better for literally everyone simply by pointing out the TOP 10 MOST ANNOYING THINGS GIRLS DO DURING SEX.
If you have something annoying girls or men do during sex that wasn’t included in this list, please share them in the comments! It’s high time that we air our sexual grievances with each other.
Jo Garcia – Cybergirl of the year 2008
Height: 5′ 7″
Weight: 122 lbs
Birthplace: New York, NY
Birthday: August 03, 1980