My girlfriend is weirded out by cum and won’t even touch it stating “we’re not in porn” it’s really bothering and making for a dull sex life… Help!
lovetowatchthembounc: My wife likes it for about 30 seconds. Then, she’s ready to have a clean up. I can’t blame her, in about the same with my own cum.
sandybeachclam: How old is she ? Or how experienced? This seems immature to me.
Blumouth: How important is this to you? It’s okay to leave you girlfriend if she’s not into something that you are into. Like what if you were into touching her breast and she hated that or what if she hated giving oral but you loved receiving it.
Everyone deals with cum differently. If her preference is bothering you, move on.
I personally could not be with someone who won’t even touch it but that’s just me though.
SkepticBabe: Does she want to get past her disgust or is she content? Here is a study about women and the ick factor regarding sex: [http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/14/why-sex-doesnt-gross-you-out-when-youre-aroused/](http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/14/why-sex-doesnt-gross-you-out-when-youre-aroused/)
Maybe you two could read this article together and discuss your wants and needs. If she truly loves you, she should want to be intimate and not leave you hanging when you are about to orgasm.
From the article – “According to their small new study, people — at least women — may be able to get over the “ick” factor associated with sex by getting turned on. Sexual arousal overrides the natural disgust response, the researchers found, and allows women to willingly engage in behaviors that they might normally find repugnant.”
I hope you are able to talk openly about this together and that she can embrace the bodily fluids that accompany sex!
iltaktiki: Move on… my ex-wife of 20 years is disgusted at the sight of cum, she prefers me to shoot inside her rather than near her, just so she wouldn’t have to see it or smell it, it’s made me envious and miserable and I never adjusted, until I started seeing other women who enjoyed getting spermed all over…
BugStep: Just talk to her about how it makes you feel and see if there is a way for you guys to compromise.
Please_Wave: Theres more to sex than her liking cum
MickeyZara: A lot of people making excuses for her. I’ve seen enough my-boyfriend-shamed-me posts here to know that if the genders were reversed, he’d be an “inconsiderate manchild” who “needs to grow up”. Instead we’re advising that she “be approached gently” because she “may have been raised” a certain way.
Your girlfriend has unhealthy views about sex, and condescendingly dismissing your orgasm as “something out of a porn” makes her a jerk.
Drop_: New girlfriend time.
txkink22: Well, she should probably consider that there’s a LOT of sexy women out there who would love for you to bust your load all over their faces, tits, ass, etc…. if she won’t even help you reach orgasm because she hates cum so much, there’s no shortage of chicks who will gladly do what she won’t.
Manglechica: Yeah I could do see how this would ruin sex for me. I am constantly begging my husband to cum on my face, in my mouth, on my tits…..everywhere so I can rub it all over
Underwater_Karma: “this isn’t a porno” is the phrase that killed any sexual activity in my first marriage.
I just eventually didn’t want to even suggest a position change, knowing there was about a 75% chance she’d respond with “this isn’t a porno”. it literally destroyed all the enjoyment in sex.
The cum thing though reminds me of a girl I hooked up with a few times in college. First time we were fooling around she was blowing me…pretty well too…and said “let me know when you’re ready to cum” and I thought, ok cool, she’s got something special planned. So when the time came I said “I’m going to cum” and she literally stood up and stepped away. I was like “what the fuck” and she said “I dont’ want it to get on me”.
she had a total phobia of touching semen, not like didn’t want to get pregnant, but like thought it was disgusting. You know it’s bad when a teenage boy doesn’t want to fuck you because you’re too messed up.
Asante_Faguel: lol thats funny
Top_Wop: This is a blinking red light for me.
Cum_quats: This is going off of an assumption but it could be she was raised to be grossed out about certain parts of sex. For a lot of girls growing up theres a weird connotation to getting cumed on, it can be derogatory or “dirty” or whatever. Your best bet would be making her feel comfortable and help her get into the mindset of it being sexy. Sexy because its *yours* and *she’s* making it happen.
TLDR: It’s a mental thing, approaching her gently will probably yield the best results.
Coidzor: So in what ways is this manifesting and how are they a problem for you?
You need to give us a bit more to work with if there’s to be any chance of helping you.
Lovehatepassionpain: Sexual incompatibility is a huge red flag in terms of maintaining a long-term relationship. The first few years, it’s easy to overlook things like this because you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. As time goes on, it can be harder to maintain intimacy as the business of life day in and day out creates monotony in life as well as relationships
Additionally, sex is different 20 years in- you don’t technically have the same degree of passion and excitement as in the beginning, but when you experiment, enjoy the same things, and want to please your partner; the sex is just as good if not better. Conversely, if you don’t like the same things, feel something is missing, and aren’t getting the kind of pleasure you would like, over time sex begins to feel like a chore. This will dramatically change a relationship and can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction on both sides. Honestly, I would find someone you’re more compatible with physically
alexthegreatmc: How long have y’all been together?
Cinsdale: >we’re not in porn
Get your camera out. Now you are in porn.
PrashnaChinha: I’ll get the camera
imaketrueratings2018: She is afraid you are going to impregnate her skin.
forwhomthebellssing: Seems like the winds in this thread want you to dump her, which is maybe what you got to do.
You could try a sex therapist if your gf’s willing to try and keep things going.
Your come’s no more gross than hers is (neither are gross) and a lil soap and water makes it magically go away. Have you ever come with her? PIV even?
This is totally a case of brainwashing for her, I’m guessing. How did she ever make it work with previous partners?
NoNoItsTotallyNormal: Despite my username, I usually really discourage people to be too concerned with what is “normal” because that’s generally just an excuse to downplay your partner’s feelings, but in this case, the first step is to convey to her that it’s actually quite normal because she already tried to say otherwise with “we’re not in porn”. I don’t really have good statistics on this, but maybe you can put the burden on her (“Can you find anything that suggests touching/tasting cum isn’t common outside of porn? Let’s try to find some surveys or ask people.”) Coming into contact with cum is so common (for logistical purposes) that I doubt there’s even a poll about that, but you could probably use something else to get at that like how common blowjobs are or “spit or swallow” discussions (which notably often don’t bother to include a “stay so far away I don’t have to do either” option). If you want to really drive the message home… you could point out that the way she gives you a hand job is literally a fetish in porn called “ruined orgasm”. If that were normal, people probably wouldn’t commonly refer to it as “ruined”.
Beyond that, the conversation needs to focus on the fact that you have a need and she is not meeting that need. It doesn’t matter if anybody else has that need. It doesn’t matter if that need is rare or common, logical or arbitrary. You are telling her that you feel unfulfilled. How does she want to respond to that. In a healthy relationship, when your partner is unfulfilled or unhappy, you don’t tell them they’re wrong. You don’t tell them too bad. You explore how to fix the problem and maybe even sacrifice and compromise. It’s a metaphor for the relationship as a whole even outside of the bedroom when you come to your partner to state a problem and they tell you that that problem is normal and therefore they will continue making it.
As for compromises… If she doesn’t want to get it on her hand, you could use gloves or condoms. If she doesn’t want to get it in her mouth, you could use a condom. If she does let it get on her, you can keep supplies to clean up her hands or face right next to the bed.
Do you go down on her? How does she feel about that?