Why do women get called sluts for enjoying sex and talking openly about it?
I am 21 and conventionally attractive, my body type is very similar to Emily Ratajkowski and makeup is a huge interest of mine, so I don’t struggle for male attention, which may be relevant.
I really enjoy sex and when it’s relevant to the conversation (These discussions have been on nights out, after a few drinks, with a mix of friends, acquaintances and generally a few people I haven’t met before), I am willing to contribute to the conversation. I don’t go over the top with details, I just share the same amount as other people are, but it seems as though as soon as I say that I love sex, imply that my sex drive is probably higher than average, or anything to do with BDSM, which I also very much enjoy and am submissive, I’ve got some insecure girl calling me a slut, even though men in the conversation have been sharing far more extreme acts that they’ve done and in far more detail.
I’ve got a boyfriend and we’ve been together for almost a year and a half, I’ve also had sex with a total of 11 people, so I wouldn’t consider this particularly high.
I don’t take it at all personally and it doesn’t bother me if another girl is insecure and wants to take it out on me (I have been judged for what I’ve done in games like Never Have I Ever, while people stay quiet for men drinking to the same questions), I just don’t understand why it’s seen as wrong for me to say openly that sex is something enjoyable.
Kit4000: Double standard that goes back forever due to religion, patriarchy, yada yada. Its slowly changing but has such a long way to go.
curiousaussie71: It shouldn’t be wrong for anyone to find consensual sex wrong. I feel society is a little twisted when violence is more socially acceptable than being sex positive.
princessmorbux: In short: Misogyny
alittlebirdy1: Stupid double standards of society. Insecurity that you touched on.
The world would be a hell of a better place if people stopped treating sex as such a taboo subject, and if women weren’t punished socially for exercising their sexual agency.
Shottafelyfe: Well first I would like to say in my neck of the words that term is reserved for girls who bang several guys at a time. Sometime in a day or different guys a week. But guys do it all the time and aren’t called sluts. Why? Because its a double standard. But a girl talking about sex openly in my opinion isnt a slut.
imnotalerv: Obviously, you have an evolved concept of sexuality and femininity. Slut is a term for the 1950’s.
Take care of your wants and needs. Never base your concepts of living on opinions or peer pressure.
My only misogynistic advice is, be safe, sane and enjoy life.
swaffel_me_zachtjes: Arbitrary gender roles are arbitrary and differ from culture to culture. There were a lot of cultures where the idea that females should not enjoy sex did not seem to exist. It’s actually an interesting contrast between the Bible and the Quran that the former seems to basically assume that there is no such thing as female sexual desire whilst the latter seems to assume it very much exists and for instance requires a male spouse to have sex with a female regularly and satisfy the latter and also recommends sexual deprivation as a way of punishing disobedience.
A lot of ancient Indian and Chinese literature is also pretty much written from the perspective that female sexual desire is natural and to be expected. It seems to be mostly Christian cultures in particularly Anglican puritanism that came up with that idea. Like in the 1850s this bizarre “disorder” called “female hysteria” existed in England which was basically “females being horny” but it was called a disorder and analysed really weirdly and the treatment was actually I kid you not a doctor masturbating the patient to orgasm except it wasn’t described as that but that is what it was.
throwanowai: I found [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/20o62r/why_does_it_seem_that_people_think_women_dont/cg5htki/) from a while back to be a very interesting and illuminating examination of the topic of slut-shaming.
ABuzzedWhaler: At the deepest level, it’s other people reacting to someone going against nature. Women are supposed to guard the eggs, and when they aren’t doing that (regardless of if they are getting pregnant) people perceive the abnormality as wrong. Biologically speaking, this makes sense, because a woman that lets any guy in is messing with natural selection, however, this doesn’t really apply in modern day. There isn’t a similar stigma against men, because men are supposed to go out and have sex as much as possible, but there is a stigma against virgin and sexually unsuccessful men.
In my experience, most people don’t have any strong feeling about sexually promiscuous women, however, it’s important to note that you will most likely have a harder time finding long term relationships with men, because you will be **perceived** to have a higher chance of engaging in infidelity, or otherwise cheating.
My advice to you would be to relax, have fun, and date guys that are cool with your sexual openness.
Jordy40_: In my opinion (assuming men are doing the name calling), it’s because men hear you talking about it and how you enjoy it and because they might not be getting “it” Or you, that alpha male bravado instinct kicks in and as a defence they insult you, it’s stupid I know, like I said, my opinion, I think everyone should enjoy sex and be free to talk about it!
randomharper234: Because a man’s ego can’t handle being treated sexually expendable
akinyele1: It happens more to women but both genders use the “too much sex” double standard when they’re either jealous or just as something to use against someone. Originally it was used against women to control them. Evolutionarily speaking, too much promiscuity would put the children and everyone at risk back before modern medicine when STDs were deadly
ILove3ways: You could also ask: why does the word slut have to have a negative connotation? I think this is mostly a woman to woman issue. The rare religious guy may think negatively about it too, but most men aren’t bothered by it, or they even like it, and not just cuz they think you’ll sleep with them, but because you will be experienced. I’ve been with 1 virgin in my life, and that was 1 too many.